Feel Good Drag
by emisonxx
Summary: It's all over- the whole A ordeal has ended, and the girls' senior year is coming to an end. But the damage has been done, and each of them is suffering. Alison especially is struggling after being isolated from the rest. She tries to win back Emily- but nothing is the same, and it's a lot harder than she anticipated. EMISON.
1. Feel Good Drag

"Excellent dive, perfect execution," a light, teasing voice resounded through the pool area. It was dim in the aquatics arena except for the glowing pool lights. Alison DiLaurentis strolled around the stands as she watched long, tan lean arms grab onto the wall.

"Alison," Emily acknowledged hesitantly and her voice sounded so unsure. She hadn't seen the blonde since the whole episode ending the entire -A ordeal went down a few weeks ago. It was messy, Alison had gone rogue months before and shattered her trust, even if in the end –A was done for and Ali had played a part in wrapping it all up.

"I used to come watch you when I was hiding," Alison commented as she went to the edge and dangled her legs in. "I came to as many of your meets as I could."

She frowned as she remembered a particular meet. "I was there the day you overdosed."

"What do you want Alison?" Emily asked as she pulled herself out of the pool and stood with her arms crossed defensively. Her long hair was clinging to her body and Alison had to remind herself not to stare inappropriately at any part of Emily.

"You used to love when I visited you at the pool," Alison said, her forehead wrinkling in frustration. "Em come on. It's over, A is gone, we can breathe again."

"There is no _we_ Alison. Just because that psycho is locked up doesn't mean we're best friends all over again."

"How many times do I have to apologize-"

"Apologizing doesn't fix what you did to me," Emily said in a low voice as she looked at Alison with such disdain. Ali remembers a time when the brunette was too timid to even look her in the eye. She wished she'd treated her better, but that seems like a lifetime ago. "I still feel this…this empty gnawing pain inside me."

"I never meant to hurt you like that, I swear," Alison said with conviction, her eyes pleading desperately as she rose to her feet.

"Let's go over this one last time," Emily said with a nonchalant expression. "You led me on, rejected me, made me feel stupid for liking you, made me believe you were _dead_ and then you 'came back to life' and still refused to tell me the truth. You abandoned me the day you chose not to trust me."

I did that to protect you!" Alison practically shouted. "The less you knew, the better. And if I stayed away, there was less of a chance A would target you instead of me."

"I stood up for you against _everyone,_" Emily reiterated her words from the night she decided to let any love for Ali inside her die.

"I saved your life, multiple times," Alison protested. "Please you have to hear me out."

"Why should I?"

"Because I mean it Emily, I care about you. Why else would I be here?"

"Um because you have no friends?" Emily said dryly as she hit too close to home for Alison.

She fidgeted uncomfortably, willing herself to hold it together and not lose composure in front of Emily. The leering, scrutinizing look the swimmer gave her was enough to make her want to run.

"I did a lot of terrible things, I know that. But I tried to make it better, I'm trying so hard Emily-"

"Hanna lost Mona, Caleb left her, and then she lost her sanity, Ali. Did you know she got into really good schools, like UCLA and NYU? But guess what, she's too drunk all the time to really focus on anything. Her mom wants to check her into Radley because she doesn't know how to deal with Hanna's _suicide attempt."_

Alison can't do anything but stare, her fingers playing with the hem of her dress anxiously.

"I'm sorry Emily, I'm sorry I came into all your lives."

Her voice wavered and she took a deep breath as she saw Emily's brows furrow. She knew Emily didn't want to feel any pity for her, and she didn't want any pity- she wanted forgiveness and a second chance.

"I was horrible to everyone, and to you most of all. But when I had to leave, I regretted it all the second I was away. Someone was trying to hunt me down, and they didn't want to just kill me, Emily, A wanted to torture me. They knew perfectly well how to- by torturing you four too."

"I'm sure A had a field day playing with us while you played dress up with Cece, or ran around town with Cyrus whatever his name is-"

"Emily I was alone in Philadelphia, with no friends, nobody to trust, and I trusted the wrong person at the wrong time- you saw what he did to me! You can't seriously think I was lying about that."

"How could I ever trust you again?!" Emily yelled suddenly frightening Alison as she shrank back. "You broke my heart three times. When you rejected me, when you died, and when you tried to leave again and lied about everything. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times I must be a goddamn idiot. There isn't going to be a fourth time, Alison."

"I know I have no right to ask you for another chance but you _have _to believe me," she insisted with an urgency so strong it pained her. She could feel Emily's hatred growing, and she told herself to just take the heat because she deserved it.

She's lost everything- her mother, her reputation, her brother, her four friends, a normal high school life- and her own sanity was on the line. But she deserved all that and more. Yet her heart longed the most for the raging brunette in front of her. She would give _anything_ just to have one more chance.

"All I was ever doing while I was gone and after I came back was protecting you. I ended it, didn't I? I did it for you, I isolated myself for _you_. But I thought you would believe me in the end, I had hoped-"

"Hope breeds eternal misery," Emily interrupted her coldly with Spencer's trademark favorite quote. "I think you should go."

Alison's fists clenched as she locked her jaw firmly and ripped her eyes away from Emily as she turned around and left. It took everything within her to not break and turn around and beg for Emily, to start sobbing and desperately pleading. But she still had some of her dignity about her, even if Emily and the rest of the world hated her.

Emily clenched her jaw as she watched the blonde leave, her eyes focused on the blonde's bare legs (and god damn it why does she still want her even after all this time). Her insides were turning, and it pained her to see the blonde walk away. Part of her wished the fiery blonde would have argued back one more time but she knew it wouldn't have changed her mind. It was taking everything within her to not call after her and tell her she didn't mean it all- because she did.

Still, there was a soft spot in her heart for Alison that she couldn't wish away no matter how hard she tried (and she did, so many times).

As the swimmer glanced at the clock she saw it was past 5:30, and she promised to meet Mrs. Marin at 6 to talk about her daughter. Hanna, poor girl. That's what Emily thought of when she wanted to let Alison back in- she remembered how broken they _all_ were- and it made it easier to shut out her first love.

Meanwhile Alison sat in her car for a few moments, silent. She felt dazed- then it hit her. And she screamed out painfully, in pure frustration and total agony, long and loud, with everything in her burning with self-loathing. This was the bed she made, and now she had to lie in it. But she wished she was lying in her grave instead.


	2. Overdose

**_Like an overdose, baby let's take it too far tonight, you're my favorite high._**

High school parties are a bit morbid now for Alison- she can't attend one without thinking constantly of Mona, or Noel and the girls for that matter. Yet here she is, standing amidst a sea of drunk kids at Noel Kahn's infamous cabin. She doesn't recognize a lot of people, but everyone recognizes her.

"I didn't think I'd see you here."

Alison spins around to see Spencer eyeing her warily. "I could say the same thing."

"Who did you come with?"

"Nobody," Alison shrugs innocently and it's the truth. She was here as an outsider. Really, she'd rather be here than at home in her empty house aside from her loving dog.

"Why'd you come then?"

"Because I wanted to get out of the house."

"And you thought this was your best option?"

"Are we playing 20 questions Spence?" Alison asks, her frustration seeping into her voice. It hurt that after all this time the youngest Hastings still didn't believe a word she said. After all, she of all people was the one who acknowledged the fact that Ali had indeed played a huge part in ending the –A torture.

"I just didn't expect to see you, that's all," the smart brunette muses as she looks at Alison with an observant eye. Ali hates when she does that, its like she can read her like a book.

"Are the girls here?"

"I don't know, I didn't come with them."

And with that, Spencer walks off leaving the ex queen bee alone again by the drinks as she wonders sadly at how the group is falling apart. She feels heavily responsible and wonders if the guilt will ever subside.

The party drags on for Alison who is approached by a few drunk people whom she humors as they ask about how she 'came back from the dead'. She channels her old enthusiasm for telling stories and tall tales and enchants their inebriated minds with exaggerated truths. A cute boy even hits on her, but it doesn't feel right- nothing has felt right except that night months ago when Emily had dared to kiss her.

She goes over to the hallway near the back of the house to wait outside the bathroom. It's less hectic here, and she feels like she can actually breathe. But all breath disappears as the door opens and Emily of all people walks out, stops, and stares at her.

Her body is frozen and she glances at Emily's outfit before swallowing thickly. The brunette is wearing a very tight black dress that hugs her natural curves in all the right places. Her long loose curls are cascading down over her shoulders and Alison swears the tan skinned beauty has become even more beautiful than before, if that was possible.

"It's not polite to stare," Emily says smugly and Alison can smell the alcohol in her breath right away. Before she can say anything though, she watches as Emily's eyes rake over her in a predatorily manner. She realizes she herself is wearing a pale yellow dress that shows off her cleavage and barely hits the middle of her legs.

Her cheeks turn red as she sees Emily undressing her with her eyes without any shame. Alison can safely say that it's the first time she's ever truly felt the emotions of being objectified.

"I guess we're both being a little rude then," Alison spoke up finally breaking Emily's intense gaze. She forced a smile as she watched Emily's eyes darken with lust.

"You think I'm still into you?" Emily asks with an amused smile as if she was playing a joke on Alison.

It's sad, Alison knows, that she'd rather Emily want her only for her body than not at all. But she craves the brunette in ways she didn't ever think she would, and she can't imagine her life without her in it somehow.

"Are you?" Alison asks, her voice calm and even though she raises her eyebrows as if challenging Emily.

"Why would it matter? You know how I feel," Emily questions, her drunk eyes narrowing in scrutiny as she tries to figure out what the blonde wants. Alison decides to spell it out for her.

"Because if you do, then that can be all this is. It doesn't have to be anything more than that, if that's what you truly want."

"Why do you say that?" Emily wonders aloud as she looks carefully at the girl she had poured more love into than anyone else in the world.

"You know how I feel," Alison repeats Emily's words in a firm but soft tone. She feels strange as a smirk emerges on the swimmer's face because it seems so out of character and out of place. But she supposes she doesn't really know Emily like she used to.

Before she realizes it, Emily is dragging Alison by the wrist with a grip so hard Ali almost yelps. But she pulls her out the back door and Alison doesn't have time to think as Emily pushes her up against the side of the house around the corner and smashes their lips together in a heated kiss. Instantly she weakly moans because god she's missed Emily for so long now. She can taste the alcohol mixed with the distinct taste of the stunning brunette, and she'll take it because it's all she can get.

This was not the same Emily who had kissed her in the library. That Emily was soft and gentle with a love so pure it had scared Alison because it shook her very nature of staying guarded. Love makes you weak, she had thought, and so she had shoved Emily away and had laughed as she watched her stumble. The old Emily was careful, her lips were soft and her kisses were hesitant- Alison had thought it was the cutest thing. Even when they kissed that night in her bed months ago Emily hadn't been like _this._

Now, the brunette's kisses are hard and unforgiving as they grow more and more dominant. Ali feels desire pool between her legs as Emily bites her lip teasingly and then forces her tongue inside Alison's mouth and swallows a moan the blonde releases.

She can feel all of Emily's frustrations pouring out into the harsh kisses and cold touches. Pleasure shoots straight through Ali as Emily shoves her bare leg between hers, her dress riding up allowing her throbbing core to be right against the swimmer's thigh. Emily drags her lips down along Ali's jawline before nipping at her neck and licking, and nipping again and then sucking on the skin, causing Ali's knees to grow weak. Her fingers dig into Emily's back as the brunette assaults her neck procuring little breathy moans from the blonde.

Suddenly, the brunette pulls away from her and it takes Ali a moment to catch her breath and realize someone's calling Emily's name.

"Emily?" comes a loud voice that Alison recognizes with dread. It's her rival in the competition for Emily's love, if she ever has a chance again at that. But she watches as Emily rolls her eyes in annoyance. Maybe she does have a chance after all, Ali muses. "Emily are you back here?" The brunette suddenly slams a hand over Ali's mouth and presses flat against her, signaling for her to not move a muscle. Ali hates how even that turns her on, and she's never felt weaker than she does right now.

"Em get your ass back in here," a second voice shouts and Ali's heart sinks a little. Emily doesn't roll her eyes this time, she just stares at Alison with a wicked look and she lets go of Ali, backing away.

"Out here, Hanna," Emily shouts back, her eyes fixed on Ali daring her to challenge her. The ex-queen bee doesn't want to face both Hanna and Paige at once, but she has no choice as Emily yanks her into view of the door and the two girls come out with wide eyes.

"What are you doing with _her_?" Paige asks with such obvious jealousy even Alison rolls her eyes along with Emily. But the blonde knows the two aren't dating, and that alone puts her mind at slight ease.

"Relax," Emily says quite smoothly for a really drunk girl. "We were just talking."

"About what," Hanna scoffs as she sways. Her eyes are red and glazed over. "How Alison _misses _you? Cause I bet she doesn't. You didn't mean a thing to her, none of us did. _Remember?_"

Alison winces as Hanna's words sting her. She doesn't want to add fire to the situation, but her insides burn with regret as she has to listen once more to how her old friends now feel about her.

"Em did you bring her here? It's probably not the best environment for her," Alison says quietly as she turns to look at the swimmer.

"I didn't," Emily says shrugging. "I just found her." It gives further proof to Alison how distant they all are becoming.

"Please, keep pretending like you care, it's entertaining," Hanna sneers as she stumbles and Emily catches her.

"I do care," Ali says evenly though she wants to scream. She's eternally sorry for every fat comment she ever threw Hanna's way, for every time she criticized her, and for teaching the blonde to be bulimic- though in her defense she had been bulimic at that time too and thought she was doing her a favor.

"Don't lie to me," Hanna says glaring at her. "You fucked me over, you fucked Emily over- god Em what do you even see in her?" For a moment, Ali's hope peaks at the use of the present tense- maybe Emily told Hanna she still misses her.

Emily shrugs as she holds on tightly to Hanna, but her eyes trail over Ali once more as her lips curl into a smirk and her two friends notice. The former ice queen doesn't know whether to be happy or not that Emily is acknowledging she wants her in this way, because at least it's something.

"Seriously, Em?" Paige asks, too sober for all of this. She shakes her head and walks inside and Alison is relieved at least one of her aggravators has disappeared.

"I'm just as hot as she is," Hanna slurs looking up at Emily. "If that's all you see in her then fuck…"

Hanna surprises both Alison and Emily as she pulls the swimmers lips to hers and kisses her messily. It makes Alison uncomfortable on so many different levels. Now she is the jealous one, and still she feels guilty for pushing the two in front of her this far.

"Han," Emily says gently as she pulls away.

"What," the drunk girl shrugs as she glares at Alison. "I'd rather you kiss me than her. I actually give a shit."

The swimmer locks eyes with Alison, bitterness in her eyes. "Don't worry Han, I'm not kissing her."

That sends Ali over the edge for some reason and she pushes past the two of them with a quiet apology and hastily makes her way through the cabin, to the front, and practically runs to her car. This must be exactly what Emily felt when she rejected her, and she understands why the swimmer holds it against her because god it rips her apart hearing that blatant denial. She can't drive home fast enough, and she runs straight to her father's liquor cabinet. Grabbing a bottle of whisky, she heads straight upstairs.

As she slams her door shut she sees Pepe loyally tilting his head at her on the bed.

"Emily hates me," she mumbles to her only friend in the whole town as she climbs onto the bed. "She just wants my body and she won't forgive me."

Pepe whimpers as he puts his head in her lap and she unscrews the cap and takes a large sip. The alcohol burns and her face scrunches up, repulsed. But she forces it down and reminds herself she just wants to escape this hell hole tonight. She had given up drinking ever since she disappeared, but sometimes it was a necessary evil.

"I came back for her," Alison says bitterly as she rubs his head affectionately. "She begged me to. Now she doesn't want anything to do with me."

She took another long sip. After a few more sips, she passes out on her bed still in her dress, holding the bottle. At least tonight she would be able to sleep.

**thanks to you lovelies for reviewing :3 much love. **


	3. Stay With Me

**I'm not someone who focuses on reviews- I'll write as long as I know someone is reading- but I love hearing your responses! :) So thank you!**

**& I know this is so angsty, but hopefully this chapter provides a better insight into why Emily is still angry, and untrusting- it's truly misplaced anger, just as Hanna's is because she's spiraling out of control. Honestly, I'm surprised all five of them haven't checked into Radley collectively on the show, because the trauma they go through is unreal. **

**So there's this chapter, and the next, before shit goes down- and I really enjoyed writing this so far so I hope you all enjoy!**

Alison doesn't see Emily again until school on Monday. The brunette refuses to look at her but Ali decided when she woke up today that she was going to be persistent. If she wants a chance to win Emily back, she needs to prove she'd do anything. The swimmer still wants her body, and that's enough of a start.

And she knows, she _knows_ that Emily doesn't actually hate her- but only because she redeemed herself slightly by barely stopping A. It had been a huge risk on her part.

She remembers the brunette's angry words the night Emily broke _her _heart. "We stick together," Emily had said when she ranted about how the four of them had survived for so long. When Alison had taken the initiative and gone rogue, she knew there had been a chance that Emily would hold it against her because it once again was another violation of trust. But she didn't think the swimmer would be this bitter.

"Emily!" she says cheerily as Emily shuts her locker and jumps at the sight of the blonde.

"God you scared me," Emily says as she takes a moment to recompose herself and look at Ali questioningly.

"Sorry," she says with a sheepish grin that really confuses Emily. "I was wondering if you wanted to get lunch with me off campus."

"Do you really mean get lunch or something else?" Emily asks with narrowed eyes.

"We can get lunch, and do whatever else you want," Alison says innocently enough.

"You made it pretty clear that night that we didn't have to be anything more than whatever that was."

"I said if that's what you truly want."

"It is."

Alison sighs as she subconsciously runs a hand through her hair in frustration. It pleases Emily a little to see the blonde so worked up and she only feels slightly guilty. She's never thought of herself as sadistic, but when it comes to her and Alison DiLaurentis there are a lot of foreign feelings.

"So is that a no to lunch?" Alison asks tiredly, suddenly feeling quite defeated with the way Emily's examining her with those wide, vast brown eyes.

The swimmer has never seen the blonde so distraught over something so seemingly petty. But she can't make the doubt leave her mind that Alison doesn't really love her, and that she is just lonely, wanting to use Emily for comfort.

It hurts Emily to think about how Ali had trusted Noel, Shana, Cece, and any of those people over her to help her throughout the entire ordeal. But when they seemed to have turned on her or left, it was Emily she came running to _last_ when Emily was the only one out of all of those people who would have sacrificed herself for the blonde without a second thought.

What Emily can't comprehend, what she can't seem to get through her head, is that Alison would rather die than live the rest of her damned life without Emily. All the secrets, all the _lies_ had been to keep the brunette safe.

But secrets and lies only further damage her strained relationship with Emily- a lesson learned too late by Alison.

She doesn't know if she would have actually left Rosewood the night Hanna tried to help her, but she knows the hurt that flashed across Emily's face ran deep, especially because it was soon after their shy night of gentle kisses and touches (which had created a giant knot in her own stomach). If she hadn't almost died that night, Emily would have been a lot harsher with her.

It had pained her to even think about leaving again, but she couldn't stand the thought of her presence putting Emily or the other girls in harm's way.

She had grown so used to being alone that she didn't know how to open up to them properly. Now, she wishes she did.

"Fine, lunch sounds okay," Emily says reluctantly, unsure if she trusts herself to be around the blonde one-on-one on something resembling a date. She watches Alison's face genuinely light up, and she fights a smile.

But she reminds herself she can't do this again, can't let the blonde inside her heart only to have her leave. So she closes herself off and walks away briskly, bracing herself for lunch.

X

Alison nervously waits by the front doors of the school right at 12:30. She's afraid Emily lied to her to mess with her for whatever reason, but she puts herself at ease as she sees the beautiful brunette walking over towards her.

"Ready?" Alison asks with a small smile.

"No," Emily says flatly. "But let's go."

Alison mentally notes that the sweet swimmer is just as, if not more, stubborn than she had ever been.

When they get to the café, Emily hardly orders anything. She gets a small salad, and Alison follows her cue and gets soup. Neither of them really have an appetite when they are together anymore, except for each other. Lunch is awkward, at best, and Ali begins to regret it quickly.

"Are you ever going to forgive me, or am I wasting my time?" Ali asks out of the blue interrupting the brunette. The question catches Emily off guard since they were just discussing her swimming season.

"I don't know if I know how to," Emily says slowly. "I don't know how to really believe you."

Alison nods, glad that Emily is at least opening up instead of just flat out saying no.

"When you've watched someone lie to everyone, even you, for years, it's hard to trust what they say even if they really do mean well," Emily tells her patiently, trying to make her understand where she is coming from. Alison's pained puppy dog look was starting to get to Emily's head.

"It's like dating someone who you know cheated on their ex, maybe even cheated on them with you. How do you trust them without the fear that they will do the same to you?"

"It's a leap of faith," Alison says quietly. "A gamble I suppose."

"And what if I don't want to gamble anymore? I don't know…I don't know if I could handle losing one more time. I'm too scared to."

Emily's a little angry at herself for even having this discussion with Alison, but it comforts her slightly to see Ali pay such close attention to her and seem to absorb everything she says.

"What do I have to do, Emily? Tell me, I'll do it. I'll do anything. I'll answer any question you have with nothing but the truth, I swear to god."

The blonde watches sadly as the brunette draws a blank face and shrugs. Alison looks away, unable to face her. The thought of being powerless and never being able to reach through to Emily destroys her.

She knows she's said she was okay with just a physical relationship, but she also knows that was a blatant lie- it would never satisfy her. And she knows she's being selfish every time she pushes for more- but she feels so strongly about this that she just can't let it go.

She feels a hand softly land on her shoulder, startling her out of her thoughts. Ali looks up to see the brunette with an unreadable expression.

Emily tugs her to her feet gently and leads her outside silently. Ali realizes she is taking her to the alley between the café and the boutique, behind the stores and far from the streets.

This time it's Emily who leans her back against the wall and gazes at Alison with such a guarded, conflicted look that Ali reaches up and, without thinking, puts her hand on the side of the swimmer's cheek gently.

"Stop doing that," Emily says through gritted teeth as she closes her eyes though she sounds more sad than angry.

"Doing what?"

"Making me feel like you really care."

"You _know _I care about you more than anyone else in my life," Alison says earnestly as she steps in closer to Emily. "I always will."

For a moment she thinks she's made progress towards redemption because Emily reflexively leans into her hand and she strokes the soft skin with her thumb. But her eyes shoot open and the moment is over as soon as it started.

"I can't think when you're this close to me," Emily says quickly but gently pushing Alison back.

The blonde frowns, understanding, but unhappy. She just wants to prove to Emily what she should have all along.

"You said this was just sex, nothing more," Emily huffs and Alison cringes because as bad as she wants Emily, she does not want the first time she has sex with a girl- the first time she has sex with _Emily_- to be angry and rough.

She wonders if Emily is aware that she has never been with another girl, never even _kissed_ another girl except for her. She's only had sex a few times- twice before she disappeared and once while she was gone because she was desperate for physical human comfort. It's been a long time, and Alison is aware she's never been with someone who she really cares about.

"I technically never said sex-"

"Or whatever, physical relationship," Emily interrupts her before continuing, her defenses clearly back up. "But you keep proving you want more, and I can't handle that- I just told you."

"Emily I know you don't really want it to be like this-"

"All I want is to kiss you when nobody's watching, and for you to leave me alone otherwise," Emily says but Alison sees her eyes are distant and faraway, and she _knows_ that it truly isn't what Emily wants. It's what Emily_ thinks_ will protect her best while still being able to get a taste of what she truly wants.

But Alison's heart still hurts as her eyes begin to shimmer with unshed tears. Emily looks at her painfully. "Isn't that what you always wanted anyway? It's what you did to me."

The anguish behind Emily's small voice makes it very clear to Alison that she severely damaged Emily a long time ago, and that the consequences appear to be practically irreversible.

"Emily, I'm-"

"Don't apologize again," Emily says, fiercely interrupting her as her hands land on Alison's hips and pull her petite body against hers. But as Alison looks up at her face, she sees Emily struggling to not cry. The two of them are a terrible train wreck just waiting to burst into flames. "I don't want to believe you're sorry."

Alison can barely register what Emily is saying as the swimmer leans forward, shaking, and captures her lips slowly, vaguely like the night they shared previously in her room. But it turns desperate quickly, and Alison despises the way she craves gentle and sweet kisses. Still, this turns her on all the same, and it's not harsh or unforgiving like the other night.

(The swimmer's words linger in the back of her mind though- _I don't want to believe you're sorry._ Alison thinks to herself that she's never heard a more broken statement.)

Emily drags her teeth down over her neck and leaves her gasping as she sucks on it. The brunette feels the tiny body trembling beneath her lips and she brings her mouth back up to her ear. She remembers all the times Ali would tease her cruelly, and she wishes so badly she could erase those and just believe the girl in front of her.

"Ali," she whispers as she uses her teeth to tug on the earlobe gently and teasingly. Her heart hurts too much right now and she sighs, stopping.

"Y-y-yeah?"

The swimmer pauses unsure of what she's about to say.

"Please just stay away from me," Emily whispers when she pulls back before she smashes their lips together once more before tearing away and leaving.

Alison stands, shocked. Her head is in a daze, and she can barely comprehend that Emily is leaving before she runs after her and grabs her forearm, yanking her backwards forcing her to turn around.

Emily's face is perplexed and clearly she was not expecting this.

"I know I deserve every last bit of what I got. I deserved to be tortured, I deserved to be on the run for years, technically I should be lying in my grave, and I would even deserve that."

She watches as Emily flinches at her painstakingly truthful words, but remains silent.

"I lost everything and everyone, and I lost you- the one person who saw the good in me. You were, no, you _are_ the reason I try so hard to be a better person. So please," her voice betrays her confident expression and begins to break. She grabs both of Emily's hands as she begs. "Please don't give up on me."

Alison watches as the brunette's face fills with conflicted emotions. She finally sees the girl who used to love her staring back at her. Her mouth opens, but nothing comes out and Ali thinks that maybe her plea this time got through to her.

"I haven't," Emily says quietly as her resolve begins to crumble, her troubled yet honest facial expression proves she is telling the truth.

"But I-I have to go," she stutters before Ali can get a word in. So Alison watches as the brunette runs away once more, but she knows she made huge progress today at breaking through Emily's defense. She suddenly feels the weight of the emotional exhaustion hitting her, and she forces herself to go back to school- she's missed enough class as it is.


	4. Love Me Harder

**Hey! I'm super glad you guys like this story, all the reviews are super dope and I appreciate all the good vibes. You guys are seriously so great. Hope this chapter lives up to your expectations!**

"Emily," Mrs. Fields calls as she walks into her bedroom. Her daughter takes her headphones out and looks up from the homework she's doing.

"Yeah?"

"You have a guest," she says and from the way her mom looks at her, Emily can guess who it is.

Sure enough, the blonde appears next to her mother and Emily sees her cute little face (goddamn it) staring eagerly at her. "Hey Em! I was on a walk and wanted to stop by."

Emily thinks this moment would be comical if she wasn't dreading this confrontation- the way Alison keeps relentlessly popping up everywhere is almost humorous. She forces an awkward smile for the sake of her mother.

Mrs. Fields glances between the two and hesitates to leave her daughter alone with the girl whom caused a lot of trouble for the four others. She knows some things, and she's derived others from her motherly intuition.

"I'm going to Veronica's for coffee with Ashley, call me if you need anything."

Emily nods, suddenly aware her mom is leaving her alone in an empty house with _her._ She's been all Emily can think about since they were last together, when Ali begged for another chance. She had looked so genuinely distressed it had startled the swimmer.

Part of Emily knows that Ali wouldn't resort to begging to get what she wanted if she didn't _need_ it. (She's also been trying to suppress all thoughts of Ali begging for her in other ways.)

For once the tables have been turned- she holds all the cards in her hand. But she knows her power is only temporary, because she's unsure if she wins if the blonde is forced to walk away. She looks at Ali as soon as her mom is out of sight.

"What's up?"

"You haven't talked to me since we had lunch that day," Alison says lightly as if it was nothing, but Emily can see the blonde has been just as worked up as she has. "You still won't even look at me."

"Because there's a lot on my mind," Emily says simply as she gets up and locks her door.

Alison swallows thickly, anticipating what she could only imagine was coming as the brunette turns around with darkened eyes. Emily lowers her voice as she looks at Ali. "I've had a lot to think about."

The lean swimmer is wearing shorts that are way too short and a crop top that shows off her flat, toned belly. Alison guiltily lets herself look for a few seconds before focusing on the reason she came. But the glance doesn't escape Emily.

She wants Alison more than ever- she's tired of feeling lonely, tired of talking, and all these emotions have her worked up and needing some sort of physical outlet. And as hard as innocent Emily tries to shove away these guilty sadistic thoughts, knowing Alison is desperate for her _really _turns her on. Being able to torture Ali with physical teasing, well, Emily thinks it could be her new favorite game.

"I'm glad you haven't given up on me," Alison tries to begin as she sees Emily walking towards her with intense eyes that make her nervous. She had tried to dress conservatively knowing there was a chance Emily would try to avert from conversation to physical pleasure. It was a dangerous habit she was developing, and Alison knew it was just another defense mechanism.

But she could tell it didn't matter what she was wearing, Emily was standing inches away from her with her arms crossed and a clear desire as always. She could see that the brunette wanted her _now_.

"But if you plan to, just tell me right now and I'll leave you alone," she says, afraid the brunette will take that ultimatum and run with it. But she has to protect her own heart. If Emily will eventually shut her out for good, she can't stick around for that.

She's not even sure if the brunette is listening because Emily approaches and gazes at her with a desirous but tormented look. Her breath hitches and a tiny gasp escapes her as Emily leans down suddenly, inches away from her face.

"You know you can't stay away from me," Emily says quietly in a low voice as she backs the blonde towards her bed. Alison is caught up in staring into Emily's dark eyes as the back of her knees hit the edge of it. But the thought passes through her mind that this is an awful situation, the worse kind actually- both of them will only suffer from their rough physical encounters. "Even after all this time."

Ali is silent and Emily is looking at her expectantly so she tugs on the brunette's flimsy shirt and pulls her down on top of her as she falls backwards. Ali feels so much of Emily's bare skin already as the swimmer lowers her lips to Ali's neck and the blonde's hands land on the small of her back.

Her fingers slide up Emily's back and dig in as Emily nips and sucks at the pressure point on her neck. The brunette feels the blonde shuddering and smirks at the effect she has on her. She brings her lips up to the blonde's ear, knowing her weakness, and brings her tongue to slowly lick around it before pulling on her earlobe with her teeth. Ali is gasping and squirming beneath her with a growing heat between her legs.

"Do you want me?" Emily asks as she pulls back and hovers over Ali who looks at her through hooded eyes. Although her voice isn't nervous, the blonde senses the swimmer's vulnerability. The two of them know each other better than anyone else.

"Yes. More than you can imagine."

Emily looks down at the blonde below her. She has flawless skin, cerulean blue eyes, and a beautifully angelic face that haunts her in all her dreams, good and bad. Her chest is heaving with anticipation and Emily can practically hear the blonde's heart pounding. She leans down slowly and ghosts her lips over Ali's, letting their foreheads touch, both their eyes fluttering rapidly. For a moment, this is what they have both dreamed of for ages. But as Ali leans up to capture Emily's lips, the brunette pulls back.

"This means nothing, its just sex," she says quietly, as if trying to convince herself, and Alison wants nothing more than to shake that mantra out of her. It is the complete _opposite_ of what Emily used to stand for. But instead she nods, needing to feel Emily because she never knows when it'll be the last time she's able to.

She reaches up and lets her tiny fingers cup Emily's cheeks and pull her down in a heated kiss that's desperate and needy as one hand slides into the long brown hair, getting tangled in it.

Emily lets her body lower slowly down onto Alison and the blonde enjoys having the weight of the swimmer on top of her. The swimmer sucks on her bottom lip and pulls back, holding it between her teeth. She pulls back for a second before smashing their lips together again as she runs a hand up Alison's side.

She plants kisses down the blonde's jaw and begins to kiss her neck once more. The blonde moans so loudly even Emily is surprised at how turned on she is.

Ali takes initiative this time though and flips them so she's on top. Slowly she positions herself so she's straddling Emily's hips and slides her hands up the toned, flat tummy as she leans down to kiss Emily while letting her hands find her breasts. She feels Emily respond to her touch and heat pools between her legs as Emily moans.

Alison thinks about how the two of them have never really gone past first base, intensely making out, and she wonders if tonight will actually end in sex.

It's only a matter of time before the swimmer is grabbing at Alison's shirt and the blonde sits up to pull it off for her, watching the way Emily's eyes darken at the sight of her in just her bra. She suddenly feels self-conscious in a way she never has previously.

Emily has seen her completely topless before, but that was years ago and she was being cruel and manipulative, knowing the effect she had on the timid, innocent girl.

Now, Emily has the upper hand- Emily is the one with control and the one who has had sex with multiple girls, girls she actually loved- and Alison can't help but feel inadequate.

Emily sits up and crashes her lips against Ali's roughly and her hands grip at her waist pulling her closer and she kisses down to her chest, causing Alison to tremble as her hands tangle in Emily's hair. She was positive nobody else knew that Emily could even be this aggressive.

She unclips Ali's bra from behind and lets it drop and stares appreciatively at the perky breasts and already hard nipples that let Emily truly know the effect she has on the blonde. She flicks her tongue around and then across her nipple causing a whimper as Ali pulls her close. Her hand trails up Ali's side and begins to play with the other nipple, and Ali can't help the loud gasp that escapes her.

The throbbing between her legs grows steadily and she wants so badly to want to let Emily just fuck her for once, emotions be damned. (The brunette decides that Alison's horny whimpers are her new favorite sound.)

Emily kisses her way back up and sucks on Ali's neck, hard, as the blonde's head rolls back in pleasure.

Alison knows this is a terrible idea, probably the worst idea they've had yet. She has to stop. "Emily," she tries to speak as the brunette nips at her pulse point and sucks on it. "Emily stop."

The brunette ignores her and kisses up to her jaw but Alison pulls away slightly, flustered and out of breath.

"I can't do this," she says but suddenly whimpers and gasps loudly. Emily's eyes are locked with hers, paying attention, but the brunette's hands are still playing with her nipples.

"Can't do what?" Emily asks in a low voice as Alison shuts her eyes at the feeling of Emily's touch before grabbing her hands and moving them away.

"I can't do this, be with you like this," she says softly as she grabs her shirt to cover her.

"What's wrong, are you afraid again that you're actually into girls?" Emily says with a slight look of disappointment but mostly just hurt.

"No," she shoots back, searching for her bra. "And I'm not into girls really, I never have been. I'm only into you."

Emily watches as the blonde gets dressed again and stands up, a troubled look on her face.

"I can't do _this_ because you mean too much to me," Ali explains trying to force the truth out into the open. She has to start telling truths to Emily, truths that scared her to admit out loud. "You mean way too much to me for me to go through this like a one night stand, or as your sex doll or some random fling. I want to have sex with you because I love you Em, _not_ because I'm trying to win you back with my body or because I'm lonely. But I don't think I can actually handle being your angry 'hate fuck' when you're the only person I've ever cared about this way."

Emily looks at her with another unreadable expression that Alison hopes means she understands.

"Okay," Emily says quietly, and blankly. Her expression shifts to uncomfortable, and Alison isn't sure why.

"I'm sorry," Alison offers one more time. "For everything."

Emily ignores her, stands up and grabs the blonde by her waist. There is a hesitancy in her eyes that makes her pause, but Ali doesn't care. The swimmer pulls her tightly against her causing a small gasp from the blonde. She leans down and closes her eyes as she lets her lips hover over Ali's, her warm breath sending chills down Ali's spine.

"Emily…" Ali murmurs against her lips softly, her eyes fluttering shut as well.

But the brunette shushes her by gently kissing her, soft lips hesitatingly moving against Alison's. The kiss is so soft and innocent it brings Alison back to the beginning.

Cautiously after a few moments, she uses her tongue to beg for entrance, which Emily grants her and it's the first time in their recent hookups that she's let Ali take full control.

As her tongue sweeps the inside of Emily's mouth, she feels the brunette sigh softly with a quiet moan and Alison grows weak at the sound. Slowly, she breaks the kiss and looks at Emily as she brings her hand up to her cheek and uses her thumb once more to rub the soft skin.

"My sweet Emily," she whispers affectionately and the kindness comes instinctively- she's never had to force herself to be nice to Emily, only to be cruel.

She knows the swimmer isn't ready for this yet, knows that she still needs to earn her trust back fully. And she will, Alison DiLaurentis promises herself she will against all odds.

"I'll prove to you I can be better. I promise," Ali says quietly. "I don't want to push this right now." Emily looks at her in a daze and nods. Ali kisses her one more time, and the sweet nature of it comes naturally for them.

With that, she forces herself to smile weakly and turn around and leave before she is tempted to jump her and feel her one more time. Her body aches for Emily, her sweet Emily, and she hopes she proved her pure intentions tonight. All Ali could do was hope.

X

The next day, Alison sits in her bedroom- alone again on a Friday night. She's busying herself by reading a book and is caught off guard by Pepe sitting up straight and barking and her door soon being flung open. Ali quickly jumps to her feet because it's the only person in the world she wants to see yet didn't expect to so soon.

"Emily, what's wrong?" she asks as she sees the brunette's face contorted with worry and panic. The swimmer is in such a state and Alison puts her hands on her shoulders to try and calm her down but she won't stop shaking. "Talk to me, Em."

"It's Hanna," she blurts out panicked. "She's drunk, and she ran away, and she won't respond to our texts or calls, or anything."

"She's probably at a party-"

"She left her mom a messy goodbye note," Emily says cutting her off.

Alison feels her heart sink. She's afraid to ask. "What kind of goodbye note?"

But from the way Emily looks at her, she knows. Alison pales instantly. Hanna was the first to nearly die, and Alison had been so worried when she showed up at the hospital. She had wanted to cry when she saw her little blonde counterpart lying there, motionless.

"She didn't even say goodbye to us," Emily's voice trails off as pain flashes across her face. "What if she's-"

"She might not be," Alison says as she runs to her closet and throws on shoes and a jacket. "Pepe, come on."

The dog obediently hops off the bed and Ali grabs her keys off her bedside table.

"Where are we going?" Emily asks as she follows the blonde out the door.

"To exactly where I would go."


	5. Hold On til May

**Okay so I'm nervous about this chapter cause I rewrote it at least 3 times, but here it is! Also, I'm very flattered by all you lovely people who are saying this is your new favorite story, thank you :) But now I feel like the pressure is on to maintain the quality haha so here goes nothing! eeeeek.**

Emily remembers there was a time when Alison would have been afraid to touch her, reserving that only for moments when she had total control of the situation. The old Alison wouldn't go to extreme lengths to calm her down. She would have been irritated after the first few minutes of dealing with Emily's panic.

But here she was, holding Emily's hand and continuously squeezing it lovingly as she drives with her free hand. "We'll find her Em," Alison keeps repeating even though she holds the same fear in her eyes.

They drive up a steep road before Alison pulls over and the two of them jump out with Pepe padding behind them and sniffing around. Ali tells him repeatedly to 'find Hanna' and prays his terrier instincts kick in as she let him sniff one of Hanna's sweaters that Emily has.

"Hanna!" Emily yells to no avail as they wander around the lookout high above Rosewood. Alison knows that as much as Hanna wants to separate herself from Alison, her old mini-me still thinks a little bit like her. She sees it in different mannerisms, expressions, and ideals that Hanna maintains- they were hers first.

And Ali is hoping that the time she had talked about how peaceful it'd be to die up here had resonated with the rebellious blonde.

"Pepe ran that way," Alison says, motioning for Emily to follow her toward a group of trees.

"We don't have time to follow your dog through the woods, we have to find Hanna," Emily snaps frustratedly with borderline hysteria.

"Emily, trust me," she says confidently. But she can see Emily is so close to losing it. She stops and grabs the brunette by her arm and pulls her close.

"You have to trust me," Ali tells her firmly as she looks at her. Emily sees a fire in the cerulean blue eyes that brings her to her senses. The blonde looks so determined, so protective, and the only word Emily can really associate with Ali right now is _safe_. She has never felt safer than right here in this moment- Alison is holding her with both hands and looking at her like she really does _love_ her.

"Okay? Just have some faith in me," Ali pleads needing Emily's cooperation. The brunette just looks at her, paralyzed by every emotion taking over. "Please."

The words "I love you" are on the tip of Ali's tongue but she can't bring herself to throw that in right now.

Emily takes a deep breath and exhales as she nods giving in. Ali smiles for a moment before running off after Pepe. The swimmer follows obediently. Her mind is on autopilot again and she blindly follows the natural leader through the dark. "Damnit where are the other two?" Alison wonders aloud as she runs after her dog.

"They said they would come, and that the police haven't found her anywhere in town yet," Emily responds, keeping up with the graceful but non-athletic blonde.

She wonders for a brief moment how she ended up here with Alison of all people, but everything is a blur and all she can think of is Hanna- god help her if she has to bury one more body of someone she loves.

When Emily had received a frantic call from Ashley Marin, she had a very, very bad feeling that Hanna was serious this time. Her body had frozen for a moment, unable to process the news and take any action.

But when she had felt the fear overcome her, it was as if her brain shut down and she went into a state of panic and anxiety. The next thing she knew, she was running to Alison's house and she had no conscious idea why her feet were taking her there. But in her heart she knew Ali was the only person who could calm her down. She just didn't expect her to go to these lengths to help.

"Hanna!" Alison yells as she sees Pepe barking and running through to a clearing on the other side. There's a blonde girl sitting on the edge of a steep precipice and both Emily and Alison sprint towards her. Slowly, and quite drunkenly, the suicidal blonde scrambles to her feet and turns around.

"Emily…" she mumbles as she sways. "Stay back."

She gives such a strong warning look as she starts to inch back toward the edge that Emily pauses dead in her tracks.

Ali understands how the blonde feels, understands what it's like to want to just end it all and have eternal peace. But the reason she hasn't thrown herself to her death yet is because of the brunette standing next to her- Emily means _everything_ to Ali.

"Hanna please, please don't leave me," Emily begs and Alison watches as two of the girls she found years ago share a desperate look of life and death. "I need you, Hanna."

"Need me? Like you need her?" Hanna sneers and even in her drunken stupor, her lips managed to curl into a small angry snarl. "I know you still love her."

"She needs you now more than she's ever needed me," Alison says desperate to bring the blonde away from the edge. The drop isn't a straight plummet, but it is a farther tumble to the bottom than where Mona had fallen and Alison doesn't want to imagine her blonde friend lying down there.

Pepe nudges Ali's leg, pushing her towards the other blonde. But Alison feels helpless yet again- she feels guilty and responsible for this.

Hanna's eyes are glazed over and they look so distant that Alison is afraid she'll just collapse to her death below.

"Hanna come here," Emily tries to coax and the desperation in her voice hurts Alison to hear because she can see how this is absolutely tearing Emily apart. "Please Hanna."

"I can't do this anymore," she says with such troubled, lost eyes. "We used to eat lunch together, and Caleb loved me,...and I said hi to Mona, and…now, now I don't even fucking eat lunch…everything's different and we're sad…and I see_ her_ everywhere."

She ends her rambling, jumbled thoughts with a glare towards Alison.

"Hanna she brought me here, she still cares about you," Emily argues with the inebriated blonde. "She didn't have to but she helped me find you. She just wants to help."

Alison knows its an inappropriate time to think about the two of them but she can't help the way her heart swells as she hears Emily say kind things about her for once. She actually has a fighting chance.

"She's helped enough!" Hanna yells as Emily tries to walk towards her slowly. "Don't."

"Hanna-"

"I love you Em, but I can't, I can't," Hanna keeps repeating as she cries like a broken record as the two stare speechlessly. Emily looks just as broken, and Alison realizes that even though A is gone, she seems to have still won- they were all just sad, broken dolls.

Hanna slowly takes a step backwards but there's no ground there, and as the broken blonde sways, Alison sees the defeat in her eyes- in that split second she knows Hanna isn't going to try to save herself.

"Hanna no!" Alison screams. She can't bear to see one more person die because of her, and before she can process anything, she lunges for Hanna and her fingers wrap around her tiny wrist. Reflexively, the drunken blonde's hand tightens around Alison's wrist, and her body weight pulls Alison forward as she stumbles because though Alison is strong, she is tinier than Hanna who is practically dead weight at this point.

It all happens in slow motion for Alison. She realizes Emily has run up as well and is grabbing Hanna's opposite arm, pulling the broken girl back from the edge with a jerk. But as Hanna's right side is pulled forward by Emily, she drunkenly swings her left arm backwards, and her death grip on Alison's wrist remains. Ali shrieks in horror as she feels herself being yanked forwards and before she can catch her footing, she feels herself leaving the edge and hanging in mid air.

The blonde hears Emily scream her name, but it's too late as the swimmer pulls Hanna completely toward her and the drunk girl lets go of Alison's wrist.

Desperately, Ali locks eyes with Emily for barely a second. In a moment of quick decision, Alison instinctively lets go of Hanna simultaneously.

She refuses to drag the girls down with her one more time.

Silently, she falls, and she grabs at something, some shrub on the side along the way that doesn't slow her down much. Ali feels time slow to an unreal speed and she wonders for a second time if this is what it feels like to die.

But her life doesn't flash before her eyes.

The blonde hears screaming in the background, and barking, but all she sees as she's falling is that moment in the goddamn library that she took for granted. As she opens her mouth to scream for help to Emily, she feels the side of her body hit the ground as pain shoots through her and she's rolling and her head hits something and then- _nothing_.


	6. Listen to Your Heart

**A longer chapter in case I don't have a chance to update quickly. It's kind of mushy. But the story only gets better from here. Also, I loved all your reactions to the last chapter- they made me smile. Hope this keeps you reading!**

Alison blinks once. Twice. But no matter how many times she blinks, her vision is still blurry, and she can't remember where she is or how she got there. Her mouth is unbearably dry and her first instinct is to call for help but she feels a delay in her movements as she attempts to push herself up.

Suddenly, a sharp, searing pain shoots through her body and her eyes fly wide open in panic. As her vision tries to adjust to the harsh, bright lights, all she can focus on is the way everything inside her feels like it's on fire. She tries to scream out but a measly groan escapes her. There is an obnoxious, loud buzzing in her ear and then-

"Ali! Oh my god, Ali-"

She hears her favorite voice in the whole wide world coming from beside her and she can barely turn her head much less focus her eyes.

"Em?" she barely whispers, unintentionally, but it's all she can muster. She thinks that maybe she is in some strange type of purgatory because out of the corner of her eye she can kind of see who she perceives to be Emily. And as the brunette gradually comes into focus, slowly but surely, Alison swears there's an intense white bright light outlining her mermaid- is _this_ what it was like to die?

"Oh my god," the brunette repeats as her voice cracks and she begins to cry. Alison thinks Emily looks as if she's going to faint.

The brunette gently places her fingers on the blonde's cheek and covers her mouth with her other hand as she tries to hold herself together.

Before the blonde can even try to ask what's going on, she hears other voices, some familiar, some foreign, but it all becomes like white noise to her and the pain shooting through her body causes her to squeeze her eyes shut as tears form quickly.

The soft touch of her mermaid is suddenly gone and Ali is terrified- what if these people take her away from Emily? Or worse, what if she is sent to hell?

"I want Emily," Ali tries to say but it comes out as an incoherent whisper.

"She's awake, but she needs more morphine, asap," a distant voice says and she hears bits and pieces and fragments of the conversation buzzing around her.

"Emily…alive…alright…"

"She looks…and fragile…I can't…"

"Please go…will watch…with any news…"

Alison's eyes flutter shut once more as the drugs course through her body and she slips into a deep sleep again.

X

The next time Alison wakes up is similar to the last, and she still has absolutely no recollection of where she is or what happened.

But her vision returns after a few seconds of intense blinking. She mentally mocks herself for thinking she was in purgatory- this was clearly a hospital. _Duh Ali_, she thinks.

"Alison."

She hears a stern but trembling voice from next to her. She turns her head slightly and it's enough to realize it's Emily sitting right next to the bed she's on. "Don't scare me like that _ever_ again."

She sees that the brunette's face is void of anger and instead full of remorse and worry.

"I already buried you once," Emily says with such a small voice. "And then that day…I thought…you…"

But Emily can't find the words to finish her thought. The blonde tries to muster all her strength to force a small smile onto her face.

"Emily…" her hoarse voice is scratchy and low. "What happened?"

The brunette's eyebrows furrow in confusion. "You don't remember?"

"No," Ali responds simply trying to concentrate on Emily's beautiful face. She's missed her swimmer for what seems like a lifetime- and she really can't bring herself to remember anything that's going on.

"I'm going to go get a doctor," Emily says decidedly as she stands up but she hears a squeak and turns around to see Alison's face contorted slightly into panic. Her eyes are wide with fear.

"Stay…" she whispers, in desperate need of water.

"I will be right back, I promise," Emily says assuredly and Ali looks like she's about to cry. "I'm not going to leave you, I swear."

With that, Emily runs off quickly to alert somebody that the blonde is awake again.

X

"You really are like a cat with nine lives."

The youngest Hastings teases Alison though her eyes are filled with relief like the other three girls standing around her hospital bed. One of their eyes is filled with heavy guilt.

Their friend looks like she has seen better days- her exposed skin has bruises and scratches everywhere and there is gauze above her right eye where a deep gash had been dangerously cut open. She can feel a wrap around her abdomen and the majority of her left arm is in a cast, as opposed to her right with only a cast around her wrist.

Alison can feel an unspoken tension in the room but she has no idea what is going on. She also realizes that the bad smell she is aware of is coming from her. It causes her to wrinkle her nose in disgust.

"The doctors said you have pretty bad head trauma," Aria comments sympathetically.

"Nothing worse than being mentally fucked by A," Alison replies bluntly with a soft smile. Her voice is still scratchy and she desperately craves water but her bladder can only handle so much at once. "But I do have a serious concussion."

"What's the other damage?" Spencer asks.

"I have a few broken ribs, my left arm is broken, my right wrist is sprained, and my hips are bruised pretty badly but my legs are miraculously in tact," she speaks slowly, still adjusting to talking. "And my neck hurts like a bitch."

"You don't remember anything?" This time it's Hanna who speaks with a curious expression masking her guilt. The look Spencer shoots Hanna doesn't escape Alison's sharp eyes but she simply makes a mental note of it.

"The last thing I remember is being called to the Principle's office," Alison says trying to remember more but unable to. The girls all look at each other. That had been at least a month ago, about a week after the arrest of –A had gone down. The press had been swarming the school and the five girls were asked if they would release a public statement collectively about the ordeal.

Nobody is telling Alison what exactly happened, except that she fell off a ledge (she wonders what the fuck she was doing there) and injured herself. It's giving her a slight headache as she tries desperately to figure out what touchy subject everyone's dancing around.

Had she gone batshit crazy? Did she just decide to go cliff jumping? Ali has absolutely no idea why she would be up on a fucking cliff.

Meanwhile, Emily's head is racing. This means Alison remembers nothing from the last few weeks that had occurred between the two of them. Where did that put them now? Emily has gone through an unpleasant emotional rollercoaster the last two weeks, and two nights ago had been the climax of it all.

When she had seen Alison suddenly pulled off the ledge and letting go, her heart had stopped momentarily- and then she screamed out in horror as dread filled her completely. She had been so sure that she was going to have to bury her first love all over again. But here she is, like a cat with nine lives as Spencer said.

She looks so innocent and doe-eyed that Emily feels remorse for having treated her the way she has for the past few weeks. The swimmer has had hours to think about why she went to Alison's, and she finally admits to herself it's because she loves and needs her more than anyone else, despite not wanting to.

Emily knows and has always known deep down that she has a special place in the blonde's heart. But now she's questioning her own doubts from before.

Alison had been fearless- she had jumped to her feet, pulled Emily out the door, calmed her down in the car, and found Hanna. She had proved she loved and cared for both of them that night, and then she had tumbled down to what should have been her death.

Spencer and Aria had shown up moments after and had to stop the hysteric swimmer from jumping down to find Ali. Emily knows that had Alison died, she would never have been able to recover.

Emily can't even describe the regret she had suddenly felt, the sheer terror and dread- she had truly felt her heart crack in two. The emotional pain had instantly manifested itself into physical pain, and she looks like she has seen better days as well.

The doctor comes in and adjusts Alison's IV drip. He lets the girls know that they should give their friend some time to rest, and they nod respectfully. Emily is the most hesitant to leave her and they share a knowing look.

Alison silently begs her to stay- she does _not_ want to be alone. The blonde feels particularly vulnerable as she lies immobile in a hospital, barely able to speak, and with no recollection of what's happened.

The doctor puts his hand on Emily as he sees her staring at Ali, the three girls waiting at the door for her.

"You have permission to stay," he says quietly. Emily looks at him gratefully but is confused. "Her father called and has to attend to business in Boston, and he said to let you stay with her."

Even though Emily's blood boils at the fact that Alison's father is away when his daughter had practically almost died _again_, she is more than ecstatic that she gets to hang around the blonde. As soon as the doctor and her friends leave, she's by her side again.

Emily gazes at her softly, and Ali loves the way she's looking at her- she's craved this since she turned Emily down in the locker room and regretted it.

"Thanks for staying with me," Ali whispers and Emily understands that her throat still hurts from the dehydration. She nods.

"You know I could never stay away from you either, even after all this time," she says quietly mirroring her own words from before and a trace of a smile appears on Ali's face.

"Are we talking again?" she whispers with excitement. "Did you forgive me? I knew you'd believe me."

Emily feels nothing but pain as she hears the blonde's eagerness. It is obvious as day now that there is no ulterior motive to Ali's actions. If the blonde hadn't woken up this time…Emily can't even let her mind wander there. Whatever defenses she had up had been completely shattered that night.

"You're here, so you must have been talking to me again."

"Not exactly, but I am now," Emily says gently. "And I do forgive you, Ali."

Alison frowns. "What do you mean not exactly?"

"Things have been…complicated," Emily explains with a sigh and Alison notices the dark circles under her eyes and suddenly she wonders just how long the swimmer has been sitting here in this hospital.

"Complicated how?" Alison digs for answers. She remembers dreading facing Emily because the brunette had ignored her the entire press release. But Emily was here and giving her all the attention in the world. She wonders what happened between then and now.

"Why has nobody told me what happened?" she asks frustrated when Emily doesn't answer.

"You saved Hanna's life, Ali," Emily tells her quietly. "It's a long story, but you saved her."

"How? They said I fell from a cliff…" she pauses to put the pieces together and her wit is still quick even though she's suffering from a concussion. Ali remembers the look Spencer shot Hanna. "Was she trying to jump?"

"More like just walk off, but yeah," Emily responds dryly, remembering vividly how she almost lost both blondes in one night.

"You were there?" Ali asks in a small voice. Emily simply nods, not wanting to overwhelm the blonde with details.

"It'll come back to you soon enough," Emily assures.

"Em?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you hold my hand?"

A smile forces its way onto Emily's face as she lets the butterflies loose in her stomach and gently holds the blonde's right, uninjured hand between both of hers. It has plenty of scrapes on it but Emily doesn't care as she brings her lips down and lightly kisses her tiny fingers and holds them still to her lips.

"That feels nice," Ali whispers and she doesn't know if the euphoric feeing is from the drugs kicking in or from Emily. She feels her eyelids drooping and the last thing she hears is Emily whispering, "Get some rest, beautiful."

And Alison does just that.

"A great deal; you are good to those who are good to you. It is all I ever desire to be. If people were always kind and obedient to those who are cruel and unjust, the wicked people would have it all their own way; they would never feel afraid, and so they would never alter, but would grow worse and worse. When we are struck at without a reason, we should strike back again very hard; I am sure we should - so hard as to teach the person who struck us never to do it again," Emily reads aloud uncomfortably with raised eyebrows as she glances at Ali propped up in her own bedroom.

Alison has a report on Jane Eyre due and she doesn't want to fall behind too much so Emily volunteers to read the book to her.

"She's right, you know," Ali states as she glances contemplatively outside the window at the fading spring evening. "After everything I've done to you, I deserve that and more from you."

"I think we're pretty even now," Emily says under her breath causing Ali to look at her closely.

"Will you please tell me what happened between us?" Alison asks, for about the hundredth time in the past few days that she's been bedridden and home from the hospital. She doesn't understand why Emily looks so conflicted lately.

The brunette doesn't seem to sleep much, and Ali knows because Emily has practically moved into her bedroom to watch over her. She doesn't mind at all, it even made her smile because Emily had thought she was going to sleep on the floor- there was no way in hell Ali was about to make her mermaid take the floor when she had a queen size bed.

But she wishes she knew what happened between the press conference where Emily avoided her and the moment she fell off that ledge.

Whatever happened, she has a feeling it wasn't too pleasant. She hopes desperately that she hasn't hurt Emily again somehow. But of course, she in fact did the opposite.

Emily wants to tell Ali, wants to fill in the missing pieces for her- but she is so confused now that she doesn't even know where her thoughts start and where they end. She remembers Aria had the same problem with Ezra after he betrayed her, and then was shot.

Alison had been selfless, and Emily debates whether or not she should give the blonde a chance. Of course everything in her heart is screaming for her to. It's practically pleading with her brain to give up the illogical train of thought that Alison _may_ have done that out of desperation or that it doesn't change anything- because that's just fucking stupid.

"Emily," the blonde says quietly, snapping the brunette out of her internal complications.

"You kept trying to win me back," Emily finally tells her as she sits down on the edge of the bed. "I didn't know how to trust you. That's the gist of it."

"So why are you here? Did you learn how to?" Ali asks, trying carefully to read the gorgeous girl in front of her. Their old twisted middle school relationship seems like an eternity before. And the blonde doesn't miss it one bit, she's enjoyed being able to finally have Emily around, especially without the brunette glaring at her or avoiding her gaze.

She's missed Emily so much. With really nothing to do while stuck in bed all day, her thoughts keep wandering to how she cried herself to sleep both times she almost lost Emily to A, how she'd punched a window when she saw Paige and Emily together at first, and how she hugged Pepe and stayed up all night crying after Emily told her she was finally done with her. Sleep hadn't come easily to her for days after that.

It is such a relief for her see the beautiful tan-skinned mermaid on her bed right now, even if she looks troubled. "So beautiful," Alison accidentally says out loud right as she gets caught checking Emily out and she blushes slightly. But the swimmer is the one who's cheeks flush red quickly.

"I started to believe you when we were…um…getting physical. And you stopped because you said you couldn't have sex if it meant nothing to me," Emily says slowly trying to articulate her feelings. Alison blinks rapidly, silently cursing that she apparently can't even remember when she finally got to be _really_ physical with Emily. "I could tell you meant it."

"And then?"

"And then you were completely selfless that night, and I thought I was going to have to bury you a second time," Emily says weakly for the first time out loud and Alison notices the way it's casual how they now talk about death so freely. She doesn't like the idea of Emily being tainted by her actions like this.

"How many times did we?" Alison asks after a pause, her tone lighter in an attempt to lift Emily's spirits.

"Did we what?" Emily asks confusedly as Alison pats the space next to her legs and motions for Emily to come sit facing her. The brunette obeys, and she looks the poor injured blonde over again. Her face still has scratches that are healing, her arms are in their respective casts, and there is a bag of ice on her ribs. She can't really move her torso without pain.

Emily winces every time she sees Alison's deep gash above her eye though. It's sure to leave a scar. She remembers the first time Ali saw herself in the mirror when she got home- the blonde was caught off guard and quite startled by how damaged she looked. Emily had to reassure her over and over that she would heal soon enough and it'd all be better.

"How many times did we 'get physical'," Alison clarifies with raised eyebrows and a mischievous grin as she lets her good hand (though with a wrapped up wrist) inch forward and cover Emily's. She enjoys just being able to touch her mermaid, and she never believed she could crave something so simple.

The blonde can't wait to get better- it's like torture seeing Emily every day within arms reach and not being able to really hug her or hold her or touch her.

"Um, like, uh, three, I guess," Emily says bashfully as she blushes even more. She's never really been great at talking about sex in a flirty, cute conversation.

Alison groans and tilts her head back in frustration.

"What, what's wrong?" Emily asks suddenly concerned and leans closer, worried that Ali suddenly strained her neck again.

"I can't believe we messed around three times and I can't remember any of it," Alison whines playfully and Emily smiles softly before she starts to play with Ali's hand. She just traces circles and patterns over it, but Ali closes her eyes and hums contentedly.

"I don't think it was particularly fun for either of us," Emily says quietly after a few moments. Alison opens her eyes and raises an eyebrow.

"Was I that bad?" she asks with a teasing tone but Emily can read her like a book. She can sense Ali's insecurity a mile away.

"No, no you're a great kisser," she says and Ali smirks at Emily who feels like she's going to be permanently blushing for a while. "It was the reasons we did, and the circumstances. You kept on giving me a lot of emotions I didn't want to deal with. I was taking my anger out on you."

She looks at Alison with such soft brown eyes that the blonde temporarily forgets what Emily even looks like when she's mad.

"It was easier to do that than to face anything I was feeling, or to forgive you and trust you," Emily says softly and apologetically as Alison wonders if she enjoyed it because she can't imagine not feeling physical pleasure with Emily. "I guess I sort of took advantage of the fact that you were willing to do anything to prove you were different."

"But I wanted it, didn't I?" Alison asks curiously.

As Emily looks at her, Alison adds quietly, "I have for a long time. I still do."

Emily feels like the last two weeks haven't happened and she wants to just reach over and kiss Alison. She wants to give in to every urge she has to let Alison in one more time. The blonde notices her staring at her lips for a few seconds and she tugs on Emily's hand. Emily looks up at her eyes and Ali tugs on her, trying to bring her closer til Emily is inches away in front of her.

"Hi," Ali whispers with a grin and Emily can't help the smile that spreads across her face from the way Alison looks at her- like she's the only person in the world that matters. Her beautiful blue eyes are piercing and have nothing but pure affection in them, something Emily hasn't seen in a long time.

"Hi," Emily replies as she almost loses her breath, and angles her body slightly so she's facing Alison a little more.

Alison brings up her hand to brush some of Emily's hair behind her ear and she slowly but surely leans forward ever so slightly, despite the miserable pain that shots through her body. She puts her forehead against Emily's and their noses brush each other with penguin kisses. Alison can feel Emily's nervousness in every shaky, slowly exhaled breath onto her mouth and she melts inside.

"How long have you waited for this?" Ali asks innocently, her eyes only focused on Emily's lips.

But Emily swears she can feel the blood in her veins freeze- something about the question resonates as a threat. It could be a chance to humiliate her, a chance for Ali to sneer and say something about her being pathetic.

Emily's breath catches in her throat and Ali feels how tense she is. Her eyes flicker up and see Emily closing hers in frustration, as if she's trying to block something out.

"Emmy," she whispers softly and lets her thumb gently sooth the skin on her cheek. "You want to know how long I've waited for this?"

She feels the brunette nod in response and she feels herself begin to tremble as she lowers her lips and ghosts them over Emily's soft ones.

"Way too long," she says in a husky, low voice barely above a whisper as her lips move against Emily until the brunette leans forward finally, capturing Ali's lips between hers in a slow, tender kiss that lets butterflies loose in both girls. They breathe each other in like it's the first time they're kissing, and it is in a way.

Emily is the one to break the kiss gently and she leans back, looking at Ali with unshed tears.

"What's wrong?" Ali asks with a frown.

"It's just a lot, this, when you fell, the last two weeks, -A, everything," Emily admits overwhelmed.

"You've had to deal with a lot," Alison says soothingly. "And I admit that a lot of it is my fault. But I can try to make it all right again, if you let me."

The brunette thinks she can't resist again- she _wants_ to let Alison in.

So she leans forward, caresses Alison's cheek ever so gently, looks at her- she's never looked more beautiful, even with all the damage done to her- and then she kisses her, trying to show the blonde just how much she still loves her.

And Ali can feel it. Emily pours every bit of love she has into the kiss and it leaves Alison in a slight daze as she breaks it and looks at her.

"Okay," Emily says softly with a smile as she looks at Alison's eyes that are fluttering open. "You win."

Alison giggles softly, high off of the kiss she's craved for so long. "We win."


	7. A Lack of Color

**Hope you guys are still interested and reading :) my life just got exponentially busier so the updates will be a bit slower, but they'll be longer for sure. Let me know what ya think!**

**Also, fun fact- I totally spaced on the whole "Pepe is actually a sheltie" thing haha. Honestly, I couldn't remember what kind of dog he was, just that he was brown and big and adorable. And I was way too lazy to go back and watch the episode, so I just pretended he was a terrier- an Airedale to be exact. **

**Anyway, enjoy! :3**

Alison DiLaurentis has never been good at following orders, or at being confined to one place for so long. But almost halfway through her second week of recovery, on a particularly upsetting Tuesday afternoon, she decides to take some pain pills and to make her way down to the kitchen. She's tired of being so incapable and inept.

The blonde hardly makes it to the stairs before she feels like she might slowly suffocate and needs to stop herself. She coughs as she tries to breathe and grabs onto the railing with her good hand to keep from dangerously falling.

Maybe this wasn't her brightest idea, she thinks. Though she is making quick progress, her ribs are not fully healed.

But the longer she sits there in her bed, the more she thinks about her mermaid. And right now, she's furious at her.

Earlier that morning, Emily had come out of the shower and woken Alison up gently to tell her she was leaving for school. Even though things had been going okay between them, Emily still seemed a little distant. And the brunette was getting quite busy with swim practice, and school, and balancing her other friends and family.

Ali meanwhile was perpetually stuck in bed with her loyal Pepe, but she couldn't even play with him much. He just whined all day long and looked at her with big, sad eyes. Emily would pop in during lunch and after school to walk him, and she'd help Alison take a bath, clean up, eat, and anything else she needed to do. She'd sit and do her homework while Alison did hers, and then she'd either leave to do something or see someone or work and when she'd come back she would fall asleep almost immediately, exhausted.

So Ali understands it's not the brunette's fault for trying to balance everything, but when Emily tells her she won't be back right after swim practice and that she's grabbing food with _Pigskin_, she snaps.

. "Fine, grab food with her, it's not like you don't see her in school, or at practice, or when she visits you at work for that matter," Ali had hissed. Spencer had come over to visit previously and let it slip that she saw Paige at the brew talking to Emily. The smartass brunette knew that Emily had been religiously watching over the blonde, but she didn't know the extent of their relationship. She figured Emily was just being her kind, caring self.

It even peeved Alison that Emily hadn't told their friends the direction they were trying to move in, and it pissed her off that Emily continued to see Paige. And it drove her crazy still not being able to clearly remember those missing few weeks. She thinks that maybe if she did, it would help her understand Emily's actions better. But the brunette shies away from the subject every time.

All Ali can remember are hazy fragments. She remembers a party, and she remembers Emily kissing her harshly in a bedroom. But she doesn't know if those two are linked, or if they're unrelated, or if they're dreams.

"I see you every day too," Emily had replied as she got dressed.

"And that excuses why you're going to hang out with her? Come on Em, you know how Paige is, and how she feels."

When Emily didn't answer her and instead stuffed her books in her backpack, Alison forced herself to try and vocalize her insecurities.

"And you know how I feel about you," she said a little harsher than she meant to, but her voice wasn't loud and she certainly didn't wear an angry look on her face. So she doesn't understand why Emily lashed out at her.

"She's my friend, Ali," Emily shot back exasperatedly as she hurried to get ready.

"Yeah okay, friend my ass, she's still in love with you. And you're not exactly staying away when you should be," Ali argued, her irritation from fear seeping into her voice.

"Because I know how to be civil so people don't try and kill me," Emily snapped, realizing she was late for school. "And since when do you decide who I get to see and don't see? We're not exactly dating."

"Aren't we?" Alison had asked, hurt flashing in her eyes masked with a burning anger. "Or are you trying to play hard to get? Because newsflash Emily, that's not your forte."

Emily shut her mouth and her eyes narrowed angrily.

"Low blow, Ali," the brunette said through gritted teeth. The blonde regretted her words after a moment of spite.

"Like going out with Paige even when you _know_ how I feel?"

Ali forced her tears to stay back. She knew she was being irrationally jealous, but she's so _sick_ of feeling stagnant and stuck, physically in bed and emotionally with Emily. Even if she had forced herself to admit her feelings for Emily, sitting here and dwelling in them while Emily was out and about didn't help her one bit.

"Forget it," Emily said as she shook her head and walked out. "I'll see you later."

"Don't bother, I don't need your pity," Alison shouted after her and Emily slammed the door harshly. "You can't slam the door it's my fucking house!"

But the blonde has other problems right now as she holds on to the railing, hunched over, and wheezes as her ribs press tightly against her lungs. Her mind is instantly whisked back to memories of A trying to strangle her in this house that she doesn't even consider home anymore. Her lungs feel void of air and she feels like even when she tries to inhale, everything burns. Alison loathes the way she is perpetually vulnerable nowadays. Physically and emotionally _weak._

She starts to panic and tries to take deep breaths. A is gone, she is safe- the nightmares should be over. But she hears the door open downstairs and she totally loses it. Terror takes over her body as her physical state triggers all the emotions from that night and she feels herself sink to the ground, trembling.

She remembers the scarf squeezing tightly around her neck and seeing spots as her vision had blurred and began to go. Her heart had been pounding thinking there was no escape.

Footsteps tread slowly and Alison gasps heavily as she tries desperately to breathe. But the imaginary asphyxiation mixed with her very real crushed ribs sends the blonde into a fit of hysteric tears and incoherent whimpers, her body shaking uncontrollably.

The footsteps hurry up the stairs and Alison's eyes are blurred and she sees the dark hooded figure that haunts her in all her dreams. "Stay away from me!" she manages to squeak out in between labored breathing.

Strong arms carefully slip under her armpits in between her struggling and slide her so she's sitting against the wall.

"It's just me, Ali," the blonde vaguely hears in her state of panic and she tries to focus, stop crying, and pay attention. _Deep breaths_, she tells herself as she closes her eyes and inhales deeply, and exhales, her ribs finally back in a position that isn't totally squeezing her lungs.

(For an instant, her mind flashes to the moment she was pulled out of the ground, but she has repressed that memory so well it disappears as soon as it comes.)

She finally is able to look in front of her clearly and she sees the last person she expects to. Her chest heaves with great effort and pain.

"Hanna?"

"What the hell are you doing out here on the floor?"

Alison tries to pull herself together as she looks at the perplexed rebel in front of her.

"I was trying to go downstairs," Alison mumbles weakly as she coughs, still slightly shaking.

"All by yourself?" Hanna asks with raised eyebrows.

"Do you see anyone else here?" Ali snaps harshly, glaring at the blonde. She hates seeming so pathetic in front of anyone except Emily, and even then.

"Okay, let's get you back in your room before Emily kicks my ass for letting you sit out here on the floor like this," Hanna says as she ignores Alison's agitation.

"She's not my fucking babysitter. Did she send you here?" the blonde asks with a furious look in her eye. But she'd be more hurt than anything if Emily had sent someone else instead of her because she didn't want to deal with Alison.

"No, Emily has a hard time even looking at me these days," Hanna says quietly as she puts Alison's good arm around her shoulders and helps the injured blonde stand up.

"Join the club," Alison hisses in pain as she forces herself to stay steady on her feet.

The two blondes couldn't be more awkward as they try to get Ali back on her bed. Pepe looks on quizzically at the scene and sits there with an amused look on his face.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" Alison asks as she finally settles back against her headboard and pulls the covers back up over her protectively. That was one of the worst ideas she's ever had, almost as bad as pretending to be dead and lying to Emily about it.

"I normally go to a therapist meeting at this time."

"And?"

"Today she canceled."

"So why are you here?"

"I haven't seen you since you got out of the hospital," Hanna says quietly. Alison looks at her pointedly expecting her to continue. "And I realized I never said thank you. I'm sure Emily told you what happened."

"Only that I saved your ass," Alison says with a solemn face but there's a hint of teasing to her voice.

"I pulled you off the ledge, Ali," Hanna continues. "I was drunk, like really shitfaced and you were the one who pulled me back from the edge and saved me. But I remember even though I swung you backwards, and I let go of you, you let go of me so you wouldn't pull me off too."

Alison tries desperately to remember. And she does slightly, bits and pieces anyway.

"I remember, I remember you almost falling," Ali says slowly as she tries hard to regain more lost memories. "And I stopped you."

"Why'd you do that?" Hanna asks, her face grateful but her eyes pained. "I wasn't exactly the nicest person to you when you came back."

"I wasn't exactly the nicest person to you before I left," Alison replies smoothly before taking a moment to answer. "I don't know exactly what I was thinking. When I remember I'll tell you. But I know that I would never want to watch you kill yourself, Hanna. I don't hate you, contrary to popular belief. It was hard enough to see you almost die in the hospital."

"Emily told everyone that you were the one who found me, so I just want to say thank you," Hanna finishes as her eyes avoid Ali's. "For everything."

The rebel knows that Alison played a large part in her death-wish, but she is learning to forgive her. If the blue-eyed beauty sacrificed herself for Hanna, the least she can do is try.

"Don't hurt yourself Hanna, you're better than that. You've come so far," Alison says as she focuses on Hanna with a look the counter blonde can only perceive as caring. Her voice shifts to a more ambiguous, defensive tone. "But I do have a question. I remember something, and I'm not sure if it's real or not. I remember you saying that Emily still loves me."

Hanna hesitates before she answers. But she can't find a reason to not tell the ex-queen bee her truthful opinion.

"She never stopped," Hanna says slowly. "Even if she never admits it. I don't think she ever moved on."

Alison nods pensively and Hanna dismisses herself and starts to walk towards the door.

"Thanks for coming," Ali offers sincerely. Hanna looks at her, nods, and is gone.

X

Emily sits at the table distractedly staring off into the distance. Paige won't stop talking about their upcoming meet and truth be told, the tan swimmer is just _exhausted_. She never recovered from her lack of sleep. When Ali was in the hospital, Emily had diligently sat by her side day and night for four days, leaving only to go shower and change her clothes.

After she took Ali home (which had been a struggle in and of its own) she insisted on doing everything for the blonde. And then they made up, but it was short lived since Emily was constantly tired and busy and still the slightest bit wary of Alison. Her heart had let go of its defenses, but her brain was more stubborn.

And this morning, when Alison had flipped out at her, she hadn't liked the possessive tone in the blonde's voice. It scared her. Still, being here with Paige didn't feel right either. The swimmer didn't want to give Ali the satisfaction of knowing that yet though.

"Hey," Paige breaks Emily's train of thought. "Are you okay? You seem distracted."

"I'm just really tired," Emily mumbles as she sips her coffee. She isn't hungry really, she's barely eating these days.

"Seems to be a trend lately," Paige points out. Emily just gives her a look so she continues. "The team is worried about you. You just seem like you're wearing yourself too thin."

Emily notices Paige's nervous fidgeting as she speaks again. "I'm worried about you."

The tan swimmer sighs and knows where this conversation is going.

"I'm fine-"

"Emily I still care about you," Paige cuts her off and puts her hand over Emily's. It makes her uncomfortable because she wishes she was here with Ali, despite their fight and despite their multitude of problems. But it's not as if her relationship with Paige means nothing to her- it does, just not in the same way as Alison's.

She sighs, because she knows that even if she wants to, she doesn't feel that strong connection with Paige anymore. Part of her is worried she never did, that she was projecting her feelings for Alison onto every girl she had ever been with. But she tells herself what she had with Paige was real, it's simply over.

"I care about you too, Paige," Emily says for what seems to be the hundredth time. "As a friend."

"If this is about Alison-"

"This is about me and you, Ali has nothing to do with this," Emily reiterates firmly. She finds herself having to say this too often to Paige and she takes her hand away.

"I know that Alison saved Hanna. But one act of heroism doesn't make up for years of what she did to you, to everyone," Paige counters.

"Ali is different now, maybe not completely different with everyone else but she's different around me," Emily argues.

"Is she different because now she'll go so far as to screw you to get what she wants? All she has to do is throw her body at you and you're like a lost puppy following her again."

"_Don't_ talk about her like that," Emily says in a vicious low voice that leaves no room for argument for Paige. "Is it so hard for you to believe that Alison would want to be with me because she actually _likes_ me?"

"Wow, she really has got you wrapped around her finger this time," Paige says evenly with hurt in her voice.

"If she had me wrapped around her finger I wouldn't be here right now," Emily shoots back.

"Of course she told you not to see me. She's manipulative and controlling and she hasn't changed at all."

"Look Paige, I care about Alison, a lot. That's not changing anytime soon. I want to be your friend and be here for you, but if you can't be handle that and accept how I feel then I don't think this is going to work."

"How can I just accept that when being with you was the best thing that ever happened to me?"

Paige looks at Emily with such a sad face that the tan swimmer regrets this dinner, regrets not making a clean break with Paige.

But it's near impossible because of school and the swim team. She never wanted to hurt the other swimmer, but Emily is irritated once again because every little thing just feels so difficult these days.

"I'm sorry Paige," Emily says as she gathers her stuff to leave. "I can't be what you want me to be."

"She'll pay for her sins," Paige says in a low, threatening voice that startles Emily and makes her freeze. It reminds her of when Ali had an enormous bruise, which Paige gave her.

"She's gone through enough," Emily says in a low voice as she glares at Paige warning her not to mess with Alison.

"Not yet she hasn't," Paige says with hatred and storms out of The Brew. Emily has an unsettling feeling in her stomach that Paige's heartbreak just got taken to another level.

X

When Emily walks back into Ali's later, she walks up slowly and carefully. Her body is tired, and so is her mind. The last thing she wants is to fight with the blonde right now.

She opens the bedroom door and sees Alison fast asleep with Pepe curled up at her feet. Emily sighs, relieved, and gets ready for bed. She washes her face and brushes her teeth before she comes back into the room and undresses. It takes her a moment to find her sweats and her shirt, but she does eventually and finishes changing.

"How is Paige?"

Emily turns around startled to see a sleepy eyed Alison looking at her. She can't read the blonde exactly but she can hear the empty tone in Ali's voice- she doesn't want to fight either.

"Upset," Emily says bluntly as she faces Alison. "How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough."

Alison's eyes lock with Emily's and the brunette knows she's been watching her change. Emily thinks she is borderline delusional from her fatigue, but she wants nothing more than to just ravage the beautiful girl in front of her despite all her apprehension. She curses silently that the blonde is still fragile and unable to really move much. The brunette feels lust pooling in the pit of her stomach quickly despite her exhaustion and frustration.

"Don't look at me like that," Ali says quietly. She suddenly looks as tired as Emily feels.

The brunette frowns for a moment. "Like what?"

"Like you can't stand me, but you just want to fuck me," Alison says, vulnerability painted across her face. All of a sudden, she's a broken little lamb that Emily faced in her bedroom before. The brunette locks her jaw and keeps her mouth shut, afraid she's going to say the wrong thing. "But that's how you feel, isn't it?"

"I don't know how I feel Ali, I'm so tired," Emily sighs heavily and Alison can hear the weight of fatigue behind the words.

"Is this going to work?" Ali asks, her voice so small that Emily can barely hear her. The blonde's face shifts to a look of despair. "I…I keep remembering things, mostly just bits and pieces of conversations. The things you said about me…I hurt you so bad Em it's no wonder you can't stand me."

Emily still doesn't say anything and Alison looks away, defeated. "If you're going to just leave me eventually, you should go now. It would hurt less for both of us."

Emily examines the blonde who looks so deserted, so empty. Alison used to hold her head high and look down on everyone. She can't even hold eye-contact with Emily for long these days.

"I don't want to leave," Emily says in a hushed voice. "But I can't do this right now. I need to sleep."

The blonde just nods, not looking at Emily directly. She distracts herself by staring at parts of the ever-gorgeous mermaid before she turns and looks out the window at the full moon.

The swimmer climbs into bed and under the blanket and curls up, drained and asleep in moments. But Alison lies awake in the dark for a very long time, wondering whether she'll ever finish paying for her sins.


	8. Underdog

**HI :3 sorry for the constantly spaced out updates, but I already have the next few chapters written now for this story so they should appear pretty consistently.**

**Anywho, I hope you all enjoy this lengthy update- let me know what you think as always :). And in case anyone can't tell after this, I'm a little bias in my very negative feelings towards Paige. I love Emison too much. **

Aria and Spencer are the ones who catch wind of it first. They overhear Paige talking to Lucas- and though they're not surprised there's still a hate club against Alison, it unnerves them to hear how angry the two sound, particularly Paige. They pull Emily aside in the hall and warn her.

"How is she?" Aria asks about Alison.

"She's getting there, she's just been…a little down," Emily fills them in, but that was an understatement. Alison had been moping around the house almost a bit pathetically but the brunette didn't blame her. Truthfully, since that night, she hadn't really talked to Ali about their relationship. They were civil of course, and there were occasionally sweet moments.

But Emily knew that if she continued to shut her out, Alison would begin to slip into a really bad state of mind- and she didn't know whether the blonde would become cruel again, or completely empty.

"Maybe I'll stop by after school," Aria offers kindly. Out of the three others, she was the closest to Alison as she was the most compassionate.

"She'd probably appreciate that," Emily says quietly.

"Can she walk yet?"

"A little, but not for too long. She's just started moving around the house now, and her arm sling just became a cast."

"Hey Em," Spencer asks casually. "Have you talked to Paige lately?"

The brunette tenses and it doesn't escape Spencer's sharp eyes.

"No, I haven't. Why?"

"We heard her talking to Lucas this morning," Aria reports, realizing how even after everything that has happened, they are still eavesdropping and spying.

"We all know Ali was a bitch, but they had a lot of intense, nasty things to say," Spencer said cautiously. "And I heard vaguely heard your name. Did something happen between you two?"

"We had a little falling out," Emily admits. The other swimmer won't even look at her during practices or in the halls.

"Because of Alison?"

"Because I don't feel the same way she does," Emily corrects.

"So because of Alison," Spencer prods and Emily rolls her eyes.

"I guess so."

"Just be careful, she doesn't need any more enemies," the youngest Hastings warns and Emily nods, well aware.

X

Aria is a little troubled to say the least when she sees the blonde. She's never seen Alison so desolate.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," the blonde protests blandly.

"Ali if something's wrong you can talk to me," Aria pushes gently. She can see that the physical damage has taken a toll on the ex queen bee. She's heard of people falling into depressions after accidents, and she thinks Alison may be experiencing such emotions.

"I don't think Emily wants to be with me," the blonde bluntly says, her eyes distant as she stares out the window.

"That's not true Ali, she's just at swim practice right now-"

"No, I don't think she wants to be _with_ me," Alison interrupts as she continues staring out the window at nothing. Aria is startled by how forward she's being but she remains silent to allow her to speak.

"A few days after the hospital, we talked, and she really wanted to try to improve our relationship. It was nice, it was like everything I had imagined while I was away," Alison says slowly. "And then it just somehow faded. Like she was under some sort of spell because of what happened with Hanna, and now its broken and she doesn't want to let me in."

"Emily loves you," Aria says gently as she puts her hand on the blonde's leg comfortingly. "She loves you more than anyone I've seen her with. She's balancing work, school, swimming, her family, college stuff, and she doesn't even have a social life. But you're the one she's coming back to every night, you know that."

"She just feels sorry for me," Alison mumbles.

"Trust me," Aria says, "she stopped talking to Paige because they got in a fight about _you_. She really, really loves and cares about you Ali. I've never seen someone more loyal."

Alison is surprised to hear about Paige, her mermaid hasn't mentioned anything about that. She had assumed Emily had been going about her normal business without telling her to refrain from fighting.

"Well," Alison says as she finally looks at Aria. "Aren't you going to tell me now how I'd be absolutely terrible for Emily after everything I've done? I mean I was the top candidate for being -A."

"People can change. I believe that."

"I woke up yesterday morning, and I remembered everything," Alison admits with a pained expression. "I don't know why or how. It was just all there, everything that I had been missing."

Her voice becomes strained and she refuses to look at Aria if she's going to start crying. But she appreciates the little artsy one being there for her. It's nice to talk to someone who cares and isn't Emily.

"You don't know how much I regret hurting her," Ali says as her voice breaks and she starts to cry. "She looked at me and told me she didn't want to believe I was sorry. I hurt her so badly she wouldn't let herself let me in again."

"It's going to take time," Aria says softly over the blonde's little sobs as she rubs her leg soothingly. "She's been through a lot, and so have you. Almost losing you again traumatized her, and I'm sure it just messed with her feelings even more. I had been furious with Ezra before he was shot. He thought that if he played the hero, he would win me back. And he almost got himself killed too. I still loved him, so of course I wanted to forget everything that happened. But as he got better and time passed, I felt reality sink in again. But I forgave him completely in the end, and we're still together. Emily loved you, and she still does. She just needs time."

"I know I was awful to you all before, especially her, but everything I did when I was away was to protect you four," Alison says looking at Aria in the eye for the first time.

"If I believe that, she will too," Aria says smiling. "Want to do something fun?"

Alison's crying has slowed and she looks at Aria quizzically who smiles, pulling her laptop out of her bag.

"Online retail therapy?"

x

Emily walks up the stairs, exhausted again. Aria had called her and told her that Alison was feeling a bit better, and Emily was relieved to hear so. She enters the room and sees the blonde reading while sitting on top of the sheets in a very thin shirt with no shorts on, just lacy black panties.

Her mouth instantly opens at the sight and she feels a rush of heat go straight between her thighs. She thinks to herself it's been far too long, almost a month, since she's had a physical release. She's been so busy and distracted that it just didn't cross her mind often. And of course the blonde had been practically immobile. Emily was bold but not bold enough to touch herself right next to Ali.

It's more than just Alison's sexy physique that has the brunette all worked up right now. She wants to feel just how much Alison says she loves her, wants to understand that she won't leave again.

She walks over to the bed and watches as Ali's eyes look up from her book and gaze at Emily. Her blue eyes have such an extreme sadness in them, but they're stormy and mixed with dark desire.

"Were you waiting for me?" Emily asks in a low voice into her ear after she gets on the bed and kneels right by the blonde's side. Ali feels chills run down her spine and she twitches involuntarily and nods.

"I know everything's fucked up, but I just need you to touch me," Ali says in a husky low voice that sends Emily's head reeling. She gasps as she feels Emily's hand land on her bare thigh and inch down to pry her thighs apart, giving her direct access to the blonde's center.

"Why?" Emily whispers as her hot breath covers Ali's ear.

"I need to know," Alison says as she inhales sharply as Emily's fingers trace their way to just barely graze Ali's panties. "That you still want me like I want you."

"You really don't know?" Emily asks as she nips at Ali's ear and lets her fingers travel up, over her panties, and slip into them. Alison whimpers as she feels Emily's pointer finger dip down and slide up through her wet slit and she lets out a soft moan.

"You're so wet," she murmurs and Ali mewls as Emily's finger circles her clit.

"Does it turn you on?" Ali asks through shallow breaths, and she stares at Emily with such open vulnerability. The brunette realizes she really is asking her.

"Just thinking about you turns me on sometimes," Emily admits in a low, hushed voice and lets her mouth trail down the blonde's throat towards her chest.

"Careful," Ali says but moans deeply as Emily spreads her wetness all around her clit.

"We probably shouldn't until you're all better," Emily says with great control as she stops her ministrations. "And until we work things out."

The blonde tries to catch her breath as she squirms while the brunette slowly slides her hand out of her panties.

Before Alison can say anything else, Emily tilts the blonde's head towards her and presses her lips to Ali's in a bruising kiss. When the blonde gasps, she slides her tongue in and massages Ali's as the blonde moans deeply. When the kiss breaks, Ali is in a lustful daze.

"Now do you see that I want you?"

Alison just nods and turns her head away as she looks down at her hands.

"What?"

"I wish you knew how much I really cared," Alison says softly as she tries to still her frantic heart.

"I think I know," Emily sighs as she gets up to change and get ready for bed.

"You do?"

"It used to be that the rational part of me knew not to trust you, and the irrational part of me did. Now it's like the irrational part of me doesn't want to trust you at all, but I know that's wrong."

"Do we have a chance?"

"I think we do," Emily says as she slips into shorts and a t-shirt.

"What about college and all that? You're trying to pick between schools all over the place and I can barely get through all the makeup placement exams and-"

"Let's just take it one issue at a time, okay?" Emily reasons and the blonde nods.

"Okay," the blonde gives in and slowly slips herself under the covers. Moving quickly is still hard for her, but she's a lot better than she was.

"I'm sorry I shut you out sometimes," Emily whispers as she crawls under the blankets and kisses Alison's temple, letting her lips linger. "You know I care, and I know you do. We've both been through hell, so the worst is behind us now."

And shortly after, she falls asleep contentedly with her arm slung over Ali's tummy. The blonde hasn't felt this much relief in a while.

X

"I dare you to," Alison's voice taunts but unlike before she disappeared, it has a loving undertone to it. The little artsy brunette squeals in protest as Emily's lips curl up in a smile.

"No way, god Spencer this is why I didn't wanna say dare," Aria groans.

"I'm a little offended," Spencer jokes playfully and Aria rolls her eyes as she leans in and kisses the witty brunette for a few seconds.

"Woooo," Hanna cheers. "More tongue Aria!"

"Shut up Hanna," Spencer says exasperatedly when they break the kiss as she glances at the blushing artsy girl.

"I think they're embarrassed enough," Emily says gently as she watches Alison's eyes twinkle in amusement.

The five of them sit at the park with Pepe at dusk. Emily had invited them all over to go for a walk, and it was Alison's first time really leaving the house since the injury. They were both making progress day by day, slowly learning to give and take, and to let the other in properly.

"You guys have to kiss then, it's only fair," Aria quips and Hanna nods vigorously agreeing.

"Like that's even close to punishment," Alison says sarcastically as she turns slightly to her left to see her beautiful brunette. Emily turns extremely shy suddenly, and Alison is reminded yet again of how her sweet Emily still existed beneath this tough, bold new personality.

"C'mere gorgeous," Alison says in a very low, quiet voice barely enough for the other three to hear.

Her spirits had been lifted in the past few days with the gradual increase in innocent physical contact with Emily and their attempts at working through things slowly. Emily had made a visible attempt to properly balance her time so as to spend quality portions of time with Alison, and she had started letting herself relax and slowly slip back into her old self. Consequently, the blonde was returning to her cheeky self.

Emily turns towards her and let's Alison use her tiny fingers to tilt her chin down.

"If they want a show let's give them one," Alison says in a teasing voice as she kisses Emily slowly and takes her time to really taste the brunette. She loves the way Emily's lips move shyly and hesitantly in moments like this before giving in and letting Alison kiss her senselessly. The blonde's hand moves up and cradles the side of her face before Emily finds herself kissing back just as hard.

"Okay okay there is no need for you two to start having sex in public," Spencer teases in fake annoyance. The blonde breaks the kiss reluctantly with a triumphant smirk.

"God that was hot," Hanna mutters under her breath while Aria just stares with wide eyes.

"I could do that all day," Alison says gleefully to no one in particular as she gives Em another chaste kiss before standing up.

"Keep it in your pants Ali," Spencer jokes as Ali rolls her eyes.

"Oh shut up Spence you wish Aria was in yours," Hanna teases and the witty brunette blushes furiously as Ali smirks triumphantly.

"We should go, it's getting dark," Alison suggests, her protective instincts kicking in. There were still parts of her that will forever be terrified.

"Can I walk Pepe?" Hanna asks eagerly and Ali gives her the leash. She watches as the rebel's face softens as she leans down and pets the dog affectionately. Alison marvels at how Hanna seems to be much better already. They were all finally healing.

She feels Emily's hand slip into hers and she looks at her mermaid who blushes and Alison thinks it's the most adorable thing. She squeezes her hand and they walk together behind the other three with Pepe.

As they round a corner, they see a group of people standing in front of the old church. The three in front notice Paige with the crowd before Emily or Alison do, but have no time to warn them as the emotionally wounded swimmer glares daggers their way.

Emily is caught off guard and unsure of how to handle the awkward moment, and she feels Alison grip her hand even harder. She notices the blonde's hard, challenging face daring Paige to even try to interfere. Instead of becoming angry at the slightly possessive move, Emily in turn just rubs Ali's hand with her thumb and tries to sooth the tension she can feel radiating from the blonde.

She can read Alison better than ever, and she knows that the blonde is just afraid. Like any creature, her claws come out and she goes quickly on defense when feeling attacked.

Paige turns to Sydney to mumble something, and Emily recognizes that it's the swim team returning from their ice cream hangout after practice. She of course had ditched that to go spend time with the blonde and her friends.

Alison tenses as she watches her rival walk up to the love of her life. The ex queen bee has major jealousy and anger issues that she really can't handle properly right now.

"Emily can I talk to you?" Paige asks in an impatient, desperate tone and Emily nods but Paige continues. "Alone."

"You can say whatever you want to her in front of me," Alison challenges as she notices Emily's instant discomfort. The two of them are learning to play off of each other's vibes, and even their friends notice how they seem to function more smoothly these past few days.

"Fine," Paige growls and any friendly tone disappears. "You are making a terrible mistake Emily. Open your eyes before you hurt yourself."

"Just because I don't want to be with you doesn't make this a terrible decision," Emily fires back exasperatedly. "You know I don't want to hurt you-"

"It's _her_ that's the issue," Paige hisses. "She destroys everyone and everything around her. She's a walking threat to society."

"Hey watch what you say," Emily warns in a dangerous voice that Alison hasn't heard her use on anyone but her. "I've told you I'm sorry that I can't change how I feel."

"She's brainwashed you, look how you're following her around again like a pathetic little puppy! I only want to protect you," Paige says angrily unable to accept that the kind brunette can't return her feelings any longer.

"You're making her upset," Alison retorts, glaring and stepping in front of Emily. Her eyes flash a bright angry blue. Ali knows her mermaid hates seeing people she cares about upset because of her. "You know _nothing_ about protecting people, Paige. In the heat of the moment you do what's best for you, not for anyone else. You've never sacrificed your entire life or your own happiness to protect someone."

"And you have?" Paige says with rage and Ali feels a hand on her shoulder as she almost snaps and slaps the haughty swimmer in front of her. It's the other brunette of the five that holds her back and calms her down with a gentle grip.

"Leave her alone," Spencer says in a stern voice. Everyone's watching the intense standoff, and out of the corner of her eye, Ali can see the horrible discomfort written on Emily's face.

"I have sacrificed more than you will ever know or be able to for Emily," Alison states in a deadly, defensive raw voice that catches everyone off guard. She steps aggressively closer as she proves her point. "And if you try to hurt her or take her away from me, I swear to god I will fight for her, and you know I always win."

"Remember the time you didn't?" Paige asks cruelly referring to the time she brutally bruised Alison and she pushes the blonde back a bit too forcefully.

Spencer catches Ali from stumbling and Emily pulls her protectively against her, trying not to hurt the still physically fragile girl. Pepe growls from behind them and Paige sees the dog baring his teeth.

"So now you have two guard dogs?" Paige attacks snidely and it takes everything within Alison to not lunge forward at the girl who dares to belittle Emily in front of everyone.

"Shut the fuck up Pigskin," Alison snaps in an extremely venomous voice. She didn't want to be this vile person anymore, but she'll be damned if she let's Paige get away easily with this.

Emily doesn't have words, doesn't even recognize this version of her ex. This is the Paige that tried to drown her, not the one that seemed so eager to love her in a soft, sweet manner. She thinks to herself that a broken heart really does turn people into nastiest version of themselves.

"All those times you were 'protecting Emily', were you protecting her from -A or from her being with me? I'm done here," Alison growls as she turns and tugs on Emily's hand to leave with Spencer in tow.

"Keep on running Ali, it's what you do best," Paige shouts as Aria waits for Hanna who eyes Paige with a death glare.

"Han," Aria whispers.

"One second," Hanna mumbles as she shoves Pepe's leash into her hand and storms up to the fuming swimmer.

"You know, I used to stand up for you, I really approved of you because you made Emily happy," Hanna said with a fierce scowl on her face as she glares at Paige. "But from everything Emily's told me, _you're_ the problem. Emily is trying to be your friend but you're shoving your feelings on her in such an aggressive, unpleasant way. How could you do that to her, especially in front of everybody?

And you know what, don't you _dare_ talk to Alison like that ever again. She might have done some terrible things, but she saved my life. If she hadn't pulled me back, I'd probably be dead right now."

"What is this, the fabulous four defending their bitch leader?" Paige asks and Aria is shocked by all the dark emotions floating between Paige, Alison, Emily, and Hanna.

"Hanna let's go," Aria says as she sees the other three having stopped a distance up the road to see what was going on. Hanna doesn't stop glaring, even after Aria pulls her away leaving the swim team to deal with Paige.


	9. Hate (I Really Don't Like You)

**Yes yes Emily was a little passive, but it was supposed to be that way. She's never been the strongest right off the bat (until this season). So, here she is, in all her wonderful anger (and angry Emily is so fucking hot). I really liked the point an anon made about Emily breaking up with Paige because Paige is crazy, not because of Alison. I thought about it a lot. Anyway, here's my longest update to date. Enjoy :)**

Alison is violently shaking and coughing up a storm when they get back to her house. She hunches over slightly in pain from walking quickly but she had wanted to get home as fast as possible. The way her mermaid is currently behaving like a ghost frightens her. She can't tell whether the brunette is furious, or shocked, or both, and she can't quite tell what the brunette is thinking.

All she can really do is squeeze Emily's hand continually and hope that Emily's blank stare and quietness means she's angry at Paige. Luckily the other girls make up for the brunette's lack of conversation and for once, Alison is glad there are others besides just her and her mermaid.

Emily silently tries to let go of her hand to go to the kitchen and make tea for her, but the blonde has a death grip that Emily has to gently pry off of her. She has Aria comfort her for the time being and slips away.

"It's okay, we've all got your back," Aria says quietly soothing the blonde.

"Yeah Ali, you don't have to worry about us switching sides anymore," Hanna says and Spencer shoots her a look.

"Everyone thinks it's like before and I'm just manipulating all of you," Alison says, frustrated, as her fingers dig into the couch cushions.

"So what? We're used to people glaring at us," Hanna continues and Ali tries to smile as Spencer rolls her eyes at Hanna's poor attempt at consoling the troubled blonde.

"People will see that things are different now, we're allowed to be friends with you out of our own free will, Alison," the youngest Hastings reassures.

"Here," Emily says softly as she reappears, approaches the couch, and hands Alison a mug with hot tea. "Drink some of this. It'll relax you."

"Sit down next to me," Ali begs with an urgent need to be close to Emily right now. She needs to know that nothing anyone is saying is swaying her mermaid's decision one way or another.

The brunette sits down, her face still unreadable, and puts her hand in Ali's lap so the blonde grasps it with both of hers and tries to relax.

Emily just can't bring herself to understand where everything went so wrong. Paige has always been protective, but never this cruel. Well, she had tried to _drown_ her, so there was that. But Emily forgave practically anyone, including Ali. She wonders again if she ever really loved Paige- and the thought sickens her that maybe she never did, if she was honest with herself.

She had just been so _broken_. Alison had been declared dead, Maya had died, they were all being tortured, she had been searching desperately for someone to call home. But she knows deep down that Paige had never truly felt like home.

"She's jealous Ali, and jealous people do terrible things," Spencer reminds the blonde and Emily is snapped back to the conversation. "Especially people with rage tendencies."

"Well I'm not sorry about how I feel about Emily," Alison states firmly as she squeezes her hand and Emily smiles even though this whole night had quickly become quite unpleasant for her.

"It's weird seeing you guys together," Hanna quips and both Spencer and Aria say her name at once in a scolding manner.

"What? Not in a bad way!"

x

After the girls leave, Emily makes Alison more tea before they settle down and watch a movie though both their minds are too distracted to pay attention.

Emily feels so strange, as if she's gone through the whole night in a daze. Things have done such a 180, it feels like an alternate universe. Only in her wildest dreams did she imagine that Ali could love her like this with a passion so bright even Emily's bruised soul can't fight it. And never did she think that her emotionally volatile ex would turn into an even harsher, more brutal person than before she got better.

Alison is curled up against Emily with the brunette's arm around her, but she can feels Emily's distance when the brunette absentmindedly stops drawing circles on her back with fingers. When she looks up, she sees Emily staring off beyond the television and she knows her mind isn't present.

So she snuggles closer and presses her lips up to Emily's neck lightly, snapping the brunette out of her thoughts. She startles Emily, but the brunette sighs and lets her hand wrapped around the blonde wander up into her hair to play with it as she pulls her closer with the other hand. Alison finally relaxes, relieved at the act of affection.

After the movie, Emily helps Alison up the stairs when they decide to call it a night. The blonde goes to her room to change while Emily washes her face in the bathroom. When she comes back, Alison is standing there in just her underwear looking through her closet trying to find something to wear.

"You could just sleep like that," Emily teases very softly and the blonde turns around surprised that she has finished in the bathroom so quickly. Alison sees her mermaid looking at her, and a smile tugs at her lips. When Emily looks at her like this, with all the affection and hope in the world, it never ceases to make her heart feel warm and full of appreciation.

"Do you want me to?" Alison asks with a gentle voice though there is a hint of a teasing look in her eye. She loves the way Emily blushes, like an innocent child (even though Alison knows Emily is _far_ from innocent in bed, even if they haven't had sex yet).

She walks up to the brunette and puts her arms around Emily's waist as she looks lovingly at her beautiful mermaid. "You'd like that wouldn't you?"

Emily nods, her mouth dry and suddenly unable to speak with Alison's practically naked body pressed against her.

"I will if you will," the blonde purrs in a low voice. Her mind briefly wonders if it was ever this sentimental and exciting and whatnot for Emily with Paige. She wonders if Emily ever truly loved that brute. But she forces herself to stop thinking such thoughts.

Obediently, the brunette steps back and pulls off her shirt and her jeans and is left in only her lacy black bra and panties.

The blonde's eyes widen in amazement and adoration at how stunning the brunette is in something as simple as black underwear. Her tan skin and fit body is perfect and Ali wants to feel every part of it.

"What?" Emily asks curiously noticing Ali's stare.

"You're so beautiful," she murmurs wondering how someone as pretty and kind as Emily had ever fallen for someone who had been so ugly on the inside like her.

"Not like you."

Emily pulls Ali forward and kisses the dark scar above her eye softly. She almost cries at the gesture. The brunette lowers her mouth to the blonde's and kisses her gently. Ali sighs as she feels Emily's hands slide up her side and Emily lets her tongue slide in and massage Ali's. The blonde moans happily but pulls away a little. "Mmm, Em, I won't be able to stop if we keep going."

The brunette just smiles against her lips and kisses her again, slower, as if it's the first time. Alison feels her knees grow weak as she feels Emily pour everything she has into her. So she grabs on to the brunette and sucks on her bottom lip driving the swimmer crazy.

Emily backs her towards the bed and the back of her knees hit the edge of it. But the brunette doesn't let her fall back this time, and she feels warm and fuzzy inside at the great measure of precaution Emily is taking with her body. Instead, the swimmer tenderly lowers her onto the bed with her back slightly propped up on the pillows.

"Does that hurt?" Emily asks in a hushed murmur, her eyes bearing straight into Ali's dark blue ones.

The blonde shakes her head and brushes Emily's hair out of her face and behind her ear.

"It doesn't hurt anymore," Alison whispers and Emily knows she's not talking about her body, but rather the way she treats the blonde.

"Do you want to stop?" Emily whispers against her lips as she ghosts over them and down her jawline.

"No," Alison moans, her head spinning.

"I don't want to when you're not quite healed though," Emily says wistfully noticing the way Alison flinches from certain movement.

"The pleasure will be worth the pain, please," Alison pants as Emily sucks on her neck. The brunette feels her body react to the need of the blonde.

"I have a compromise," Emily whispers as she lets her fingers wander down Ali's neck and down the front of her body. Her fingers dip very cautiously between her breasts and slip inside Ali's bra. All Ali can do is hum in agreement.

Emily rolls her nipple between her fingers and Alison tries not to move her torso too much as she squirms.

"Stay still," Emily orders but it's out of protective instincts. Still, Alison finds it absolutely enticing when Emily takes control. She loves how dominant the new Emily can be.

"I need to feel you," Alison breathes with a loud moan. So Emily slides her fingers down over her panties and is surprised at how wet the fabric is from Ali's desire.

But she's even more surprised when Alison brings her hand up to try and touch her too.

The brunette pushes Alison's panties aside and let's her fingers graze her clit. She enjoys the deep moan from the blonde the instant she slides a finger up and down Ali's dripping slit.

Emily rubs her clit while kissing her in all the right spots. Alison finds it pathetic how close she is to cumming already but she's been craving for her mermaid to merely touch her for _years_ now. The brunette rubs softly and plants kisses all over her chest before kissing her deeply and rubbing faster. With a loud gasp, the blonde's hips twitch and her muscles tense up as her hand tangles in Emily's hair and grips it hard, her built up tension from the night slightly relieved. She bites her lip hard to refrain from being loud.

Slowly she relaxes as Emily kisses her lazily and she tugs on her bottom lip playfully.

"God Em, sex with you is going to be incredible," Alison tells her as she lets her fingers run through the brunette's hair kindly. She loves finally being able to just touch her, if only in mostly innocent ways.

"I was thinking the same thing," Emily says sheepishly.

"You have no idea the things I want to do to you," Alison says in a low voice as she lets her fingers dance up and down Emily's bare skin. She feels the brunette begin to tremble in anticipation. But she couldn't return the favor yet exactly, and she knew Emily wasn't going to make her. "The things I want to do _for_ you."

"Like what?" Emily asks, unable to help herself as she begins to grow antsy. She sits up carefully, her knees on either side of one of Alison's legs, not trusting herself to be too close.

"Like explore between your thighs with my tongue," she whispers in a husky voice as she looks directly at Emily who's eyes suddenly turn fifty shades darker.

"That sounds too good right now," Emily sighs as she lets her hands slide up and down Ali's legs soothingly.

Alison can't deny it, she loves dark, sexy Emily. It pleases her that everyone thinks Emily is innocent, yet she knows just how dirty Emily can get.

But it bothers her again that her mind returns to thoughts of wondering whether Emily was this open and comfortable about sex with anyone else. She thinks of Maya, the overly sexual and forward girl who she knew had been Emily's first.

Like many other memories, she shoved this one to the back of her mind and buried it deep. Ali had been there outside Spencer's house that night. She was watching the girls and she had wanted to make sure Emily wasn't too devastated when Maya left. But when she caught wind of what was actually going down, Emily and Maya finally having sex, she remembers the way her stomach had lurched and how her head began to spin with thoughts she couldn't control. Even though she told herself she had no right to be jealous, there was a sharp pain in her chest that she couldn't make disappear.

She had wished so desperately that she was the one in there, and that she was the one taking Emily's virginity. So she ran away in tears, and the memory basically became a suppressed thought.

"Ali?"

The blonde sees the brunette's loving face looking at her with worry.

"What's wrong?"

Emily has noticed Alison go somewhere dark in her mind, and she can tell by the way her eyebrows are furrowed and her lips have fallen flat.

"Nothing," she says resuming her smile and Emily decides not to press the issue. She falls asleep next to the blonde with her arm draped across her stomach and her head in the crook of her neck. Ali plays with her hair as she drifts off into the uneasy sleep she's used to.

x

Emily wouldn't consider herself a light sleeper, unlike Alison who half wakes up to every single little sound and movement. So she's never really had a problem sleeping with Alison. But in the very early morning on the day Alison is supposed to go back to school, Emily feels an elbow jab into her side.

She opens her eyes and sees Alison asleep, with a not so pleasant look on her face as she twists and turns. Emily doesn't know whether to be concerned, she's never seen or experienced the blonde moving much in her sleep. But when Ali's breathing begins to become harsher, she shakes the blonde gently til her eyes fly open with panic.

"Em," she breathes in relief as she calms her frantic heart. "What are you doing awake?"

"You woke me up."

"I did? I'm sorry," she says quietly and let's her body still for a moment and relax.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Emily asks cautiously. She knows admitting weakness has never been Ali's strong suit.

And she's right, the blonde shrugs, brushing it off. "Just a bad dream, that's all."

"Those are called nightmares, Ali."

Emily watches her closely and wonders if this is a frequent happening (because she now realizes that if it is, the blonde wouldn't have told her anyway).

"We still have two hours til we have to wake up," Alison changes the subject sleepily as she pulls the covers tight around herself.

"Ali," Emily says in a chastising but incredibly gentle manner.

"Later, I just want to sleep," the blonde pleads and wraps her body around Emily. So the brunette lets her go for the time being.

But when they do wake up and get ready for school, Emily can feel the nerves from Alison radiating like a suffocating energy. She's quite snappy and snide and slightly unpleasant.

"Great, I look like little miss fucking sunshine," Alison says as she looks at herself in a yellow sundress. She looks beautiful of course, and Emily rolls her eyes at her dramatics.

"Alison you look good," she reassures as she packs her bag.

"You're just saying that cause you have to," Ali argues like a child. Emily shakes her head, letting the blonde continue to be stubborn. She watches and decides to ask what's on her mind.

"Ali, do you have nightmares often?"

The blonde wants to snap at Emily and tell her she really doesn't want to talk about it right now, but she refrains.

"It shouldn't surprise you if I do," Alison says instead, answering in a roundabout way. She slips sunglasses on and Emily rolls her eyes at the obvious self-protection from emotional vulnerability. She pulls them off Ali and looks at her with a softer face.

"What are they about? Something specific?"

"Panic," Alison admits with a sigh as she takes her shades from Emily and slips them in her bag. "Being strangled. Being buried alive. Being robbed and stabbed. Seeing my mom's dead body. Watching-"

"I understand," Emily comforts her gently as she walks over and tucks a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "Maybe you should see a therapist."

Alison stifles a dark laugh much to Emily's discomfort. "Like talking about my feelings is going to undo years of torture."

But she sees Emily's worried eyes and sighs. "I have you here with me, Em. It doesn't happen often anymore. I'm just nervous about school."

So Emily decides to hold her hand and walk out the door, dropping the matter until a moment when she could get Alison to talk more.

x-x-x

After her fourth period, Emily goes to her locker and waits for her blonde. She knows Ali's class is just down the hall from where she is standing so she waits patiently while other kids eagerly leave. She frowns when she doesn't see the blonde.

But when she sees Paige and Sydney walk out of the classroom with rather unpleasant looks on their faces, she gets an uneasy feeling in her stomach. They couldn't have done much damage in a classroom setting, she thinks. When she sees Alison walk out of the classroom finally, her head is cast slightly downward as if trying to avoid anyone.

"Ali," Emily calls and her head lifts up at the sound of her mermaid's voice. There's an unreadable expression on her face as she walks over and surprises the brunette with a needy hug.

"Today sucks," she mumbles into Emily's shoulder as she buries her face in it and inhales her scent deeply to calm down.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, I'm just over high school," Alison says with a tight lipped smile and gives Emily a quick kiss on the lips. "Let's go eat with the girls."

What Alison doesn't want to tell Emily is that her last class had started in hell, and ended somewhere far worst.

Ali had been keeping to herself all morning and was dreading her English class- none of her girls were in it, but it was the one class she had excelled in and been able to jump right back into.

But when she walked into the room, she was tripped on her way to her desk by none other than Paige.

"Watch it," Alison growled defensively under her breath as she glared at Paige and sat down in her seat in the corner of the front.

"Or what?" Paige smirks. "You have nothing on me anymore."

"Aren't you supposed to be dead?" some rude kid asked her loudly from behind and she heard snickers all around the room. She tried not to let it get to her, she was Alison fucking DiLaurentis after all.

"Man I thought that bitch really was this time for sure," she heard someone say and she prepared herself for the oncoming verbal abuse and forced herself to stare ahead or down at her desk. "She deserves to be."

"Yo Paige, isn't she the one Emily's obsessed with?" someone asked and she grimly waited to hear Paige's input.

"Yeah, well, you know Emily, she likes doing charity work," Paige sneered and Alison gripped her pencil tightly willing herself to not turn around, to not give in.

Luckily the teacher had come in after that and they all had to leave her alone.

So when the class was over, Alison had gotten up to try and exit without talking to anyone. One particularly cruel kid, who Alison recognized as Emily's ex from forever ago, Ben, shoved her hard from behind and made sure to knock her stuff on the ground as she fell. She painfully stopped herself as her delicately still-healing hand hit the floor.

"Dead bitch," he muttered under his breath with a laugh as his friends joined in with him.

The teacher was packing up his stuff and missed the whole incident but he saw Alison on the ground with her stuff around her. She was trying desperately to hold it together because she wasn't going to let them win. "Paige, Sydney, can you help Alison gather her things?"

"No it's okay I've got it," Alison protested quickly but Paige flashed a fake smile.

"Of course," Paige said as she kneeled down and gathered Alison's stuff along with Sydney.

"Give me my stuff," Alison hissed quietly at the two agitators in front of her who cruelly smiled at her.

"I think I'll just take what I want, that's what you do isn't it?" Sydney asks with a smirk and Alison doesn't even know who this bitch is, only that she was crazy in love with blind Jenna for whatever reason. And apparently she was now Paige's bff too.

"Do you know what it feels like to watch someone step in and take away the person you love?" Paige asks as Alison snatches her stuff from her and stuffs it in her bag. But when she doesn't answer, she gasps as she finds Paige's hand around her throat and realizes the teacher is gone. "You just waltz back into town and come back from the dead as if nothing happened and Emily _still_ falls for all your lies even after everything you put her through. Whatever spell you have her under, you better end it."

Ali knew that the raging girl in front of her was refraining from strangling her because she was well aware of Paige's brutish power- she was being careful to not leave bruises.

"Hey Paige," she choked out in her trademark bitch voice as she felt the grip tighten. "I know what it's like. I saw Maya swoop in and seduce the hell out of Emily. Sucks doesn't it that Emily wouldn't date you til both Maya and I were _dead_?"

"You should've stayed dead then," Paige said as she saw red and swung Ali's head sideways into a desk leg. She stood up to kick her but Sydney grabbed her quickly.

"Not worth it, let's go," Sydney said firmly and held Paige who ripped away from her and headed for the door. The blonde cradled her head painfully, glaring daggers at the two.

She sat still for a moment and let it sink in before she shook her now throbbing head and pulled herself together.

There are still sins to be paid for, but Ali thinks that Paige is taking her punishment to a dangerous new level.

X

It turns out that Paige hadn't actually been holding back- there were bruises on Ali's neck and she covers them up, unable to admit to Emily what happened. She is really quite afraid that Emily still hasn't gotten over the brunette. If Emily had, wouldn't she have told Paige off in a big way by now? When Paige had pushed her, Emily had merely held her, she hadn't opened her mouth to say a damn thing.

Emily notices the blonde's discomfort the next day. Once again she wakes up to Alison having a 'bad dream', but the blonde is in such a bad mood when she awakes that she doesn't even bother to ask. Alison isn't snapping at her, but she is edgy and pacing and doing her little anxious ticks.

Still she can't imagine anything could be wrong, Alison had told her that yesterday that nobody really talked to her or even looked at her.

Everything seems fine during school, so Emily doesn't understand what's bothering the blonde behind the scenes. Alison gives her little kisses in between classes and doesn't seem upset at her. So she figures Alison is just displeased about having to be back at school in general.

The swimmer looks for Alison quickly after school but has to rush to the Coach's office real fast before she leaves so she shoots the blonde a text when she's unable to find her.

Meanwhile, Alison is stuck in a tough position, literally. Paige had found her at her locker and forcefully dragged the blonde to the nearest classroom against her will.

"What the hell pigskin," she snaps, only to feel a stinging sensation in her cheek and realized Paige had slapped her.

"Don't call me that again. What the fuck does she see in you anyway," Paige growls, shoving Alison backwards.

"You have fucking issues, you need help," Alison hisses as she caches herself from falling. She isn't about to take this abuse lying down. "If I had been there the day you tried to drown Emily, you can bet your ass I would have run in there and kicked yours. This would have all been over then."

"I have issues?!" Paige rages as she shoves a desk and it falls over, causing Ali to jump.

"You do, and Emily will never be with you ever again," Ali warns her darkly. "Emily is mine. And I don't say that in an unhealthy possessive way, like you. Emily is mine, and I am hers. I have _always_ been hers."

Ali knows she's starting to be cruel, but she _refuses_ to let Paige terrorize her any longer and she wants to make it very clear that she's back in Emily's life, as her love, and she is there to stay.

"She loves me with a love deeper than you've ever experienced. And I love her in a way that you never could. We will _always_ find our way back to each other," she says slowly with great emphasis and passion as she stares Paige down.

"You can bully me all you want, but at the end of the day Paige, I'm going to be the one who gets to be with her," she says with a deadly glare. She can't help it. She wants Paige to understand she can't just push her around and scare her off. "And you're going to look crazy."

"Emily will see what a bitch you are, she hated you for everything you did," Paige says but it's all empty threats because Alison knows the truth of how Emily truly feels and the reality of the situation.

"I'll say this one more time," Alison hisses. "Leave me alone."

"Not until you leave her alone," Paige stubbornly argues and Alison's grimaces.

"Paige listen-"

But Paige doesn't, she shoves Alison backwards into a desk and the blonde cries out as her back digs into the corner.

She yelps as Paige pulls her forward by her hair and throws her to the side.

"You're crazy!" Alison shouts as she leans on a desk, her mid torso in excruciating pain.

"So what's your secret Ali? What did you have to do to get Emily back on your side? Did you _fuck _her til she loved you again? Maybe it was cause this time around you were easy."

Paige punches the blonde straight in the gut, and Alison feels the wind get knocked out of her as she doubles over in pain and struggles to stand on her feet. It doesn't last too long because Paige kicks her hard in the shin, and she falls over completely.

The blonde lies groaning on the floor as Paige grabs her neck and pulls her to her knees with a death grip.

"Get away from her!"

Alison hears the voice she thought she wouldn't. Out of the corner of her eye she can see Emily in the doorway with a look of horror on her face.

"Emily…make her stop," Ali chokes as Paige defiantly stares down the swimmer and squeezes harder causing Emily to rush over in a split second.

She doesn't think before she grabs Paige by her shirt and hurls her into the wall, her eyes blazing with anger. Emily looks heroic, her toned arms flexed and tensed and fists curled as she stares down her ex with a death glare.

Ali would be so turned on right now if it wasn't for the fact that she was just at the mercy of stupid pigskin. It reminds her of when the brunette saved her from A. Emily goes over and drags Paige up by her shirt.

"You disgust me," Emily says in a disappointed low voice. "If I ever loved you, it was a mistake in judgment. Don't you dare touch Alison again because if you hurt her one more time, I'll hurt you ten times worse, I promise."

There's a heavy silence in the room and then Paige screams and pushes Emily forward, attacking her. Alison's eyes widen- she _really_ thinks Paige has completely fucking lost it. And she had tried to be nice to her too, she had even apologized all those months ago.

"Emily!" Alison yells as the swimmer lands on her back painfully with the brutal swimmer trying to grab at her arms to hold her down. The blonde's in too much pain to go try to help, but she wants nothing more than to hurt that pig for hurting Emily.

"Get off me," Emily growls as she grabs at Paige's wildly flinging hands and tries to push her off and the two are tearing each other's skin as their nails dig in while they grab.

"You want to be with that desperate slut then fine, but everyone knows she's only using her body to keep you around because she has no friends," Paige sneers as she gets a hold of Emily's wrists. But the brunette hears those words and she doesn't think twice as adrenaline courses through her and she rips her arms away from Paige and manages to throw her backwards against the wall.

Alison's eyes widen because she's never seen Emily's eyes so dark, never seen the brunette so furious. She can see that even Paige is caught off guard by the sudden anger in the mermaid.

"Leave Alison alone, and don't you dare fucking talk to me ever again," Emily snarls in a low, dangerously threatening voice. "This is over. If you even _look_ at her again, I'll make sure you regret it. And you can bet that I'm going to tell someone about this."

Paige just stares, as if she's snapped out of whatever rage had possessed her. Alison almost feels bad for her, just almost, because she knows better than anyone that jealousy can bring out the ugliest in people.

"You have a problem, Paige," Emily continues. "You kicked Ali, tried to drown me, and now I walk in on you practically killing her- you never respected a word I said, you always did what you wanted to do. I could never have stayed with you, with or without Alison."

With that, she gets up and walks over to the blonde who looks up at her with the most admiring eyes.

"Come on," Emily says quietly, the rage slowly slipping away. "I'll help you."

Ali manages to stand up and let's Emily help her walk out, leaving a very disturbed Paige all alone.


End file.
